Pushed into social isolation and since became socially retarded due to uncontrollable circumstances, what now?
This is about my personal life experience:
First 9 years of my life was fine after until then my family immigrated overseas to an English speaking country and I had a joyous three years settling down and settling in the cultural norm. After that my life became torrential. There was a series of moving back and forth. My grand dad died back in East Asia and so my family moved back for a year to see him cremated. That one move lasted for a year and I attended a local private school. Though I had no problems making friends but some people found me quite different but were kind and friendly to me. After a year, my family moved back to New Zealand. I was enrolled back to the same 7th grade and saw my same group of friends. However, after one year of absence, my friends changed or had moved on and we were not as closed as I wanted it to be. I felt I was somehow segregated by the group and I wasn't as fast on social reflexes as I was back then. I became a little bit disappointed and so I complained to my parents that I had lost friends. They asked me whether I wanted to change schools or go back to East Asia. I was adventurous and I chose to go back to East Asia. This time I was enrolled in a public school of a different area. I had to make new friends but the people I found in my new surrounding to be quite unaccepting of me. They were quite judgemental about how I was and picky on the little flaws I had. Since the initial encounter hadn't been pleasant and I discovered they were segregating me for being who I am. I felt anger and anxiety for being treated so harshly without knowing why. I did nothing wrong back then but was discriminated because of my differences. They had refused to be inclusive of me. I complained about this emotional abuse to my parents but there was nothing they could do to stop it. They had limited means for sending me back to New Zealand and I wasn't able to just change schools. The only option they had was to ask me to stay and be strong. I compromised and agreed that I will try to cope. It wasn't pleasant because each day I was made fun of. Though slowly the ridicule ceased but I was left without the feeling of trust that my world is the same. I couldn't trust to be friends with these people even though I tried. I was at my wits end and it was an oppressive environment. At least that was how I had perceived it. I didn't open up to these people and I felt I couldn't be myself because of the initial abuse. I had to be in that helpless situation for one and a half years before I go into High School. Back then the only way I thought of getting attention was being particularly good at academics. I was nearly always in the top 10 of the class. Yet I compromised because there was no other way. In high school, same situation occured. I just wasn't enjoying the environment I was in and I blamed it on cultural shock or on the abuse. I tried opening up to people but again other events led to a rejection of a girl and I became withdrawn ever since. Anxiety was crippling and it had consumed me. I managed to hang out with some of my girl friends since they were more accepting and were willing to listen. Still I did not believe they truly understood how I felt. Over time I grew more resistant to face the fact how the society operates. I just couldn't accept the norm and I thought I would go bonkerz if I continue being where I was if I hadn't left the country. I managed to finally pursuade my parents to let me leave and go back to New Zealand. I was an outcast of the society and that society had purged me out of it effectively. All those time I spent on academics. There was no life for me back then because all the time I would spend in pursuit of academic excellence. There was only competition and no other endeavors to make me feel better. Even though I was here now in New Zealand, I still felt underdeveloped as an adult. I'm 22 now and I still had crippling anxiety to just talk to people. I still have physical pain from the past abuse and resentment and all other emotional turmoils. I realised I have become slower in response though I had no problem comprehending other people and have a clear idea of what otehr poeple are talking about. But creativity was certainly stifled. I wonder how I could be able to integrate back to society without having to delve into the fact that I am underdeveloped. I felt stigmatized for being different again. I felt I don't belong anywhere and there is a slim chance that I will find the so called safe haven. Looking at my formative years, I had certainly suppressed myself and unable to be myself and hence I have underdeveloped. The abuse has programmed me into thinking that the world isn't a safe place and people aren't going to be accepting of me, people are only going to judge me etc...
No one knows only I do and I keep this to myself because sharing this will only bring people to judge me and discriminate me.6 個解答Psychology8 年前
1.)他想回台灣,解除經濟的困難反而好轉. 回去重唸一個國三所以等於降2年. 配合當前的回流風潮.總之回來會過的很好他說.等經濟好轉再出國.但我一職很不願意面對回國的種種情況又要面對學測.
我向各位大大求救?? 該回台灣耶受學測還是待在國外努力. 任何意見都好. 學測現在回來不可能.只有指考了. 不知道有什麼保握.
感激~ 感激~ 20 點送出去了5 個解答心理健康1 0 年前