匿名使用者
匿名使用者 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

我的英文自傳~請給我有關文法.慣用語和內容的意見~20點

This is my personal statement (revised version)for addmission to the University of Washington in Seattle. Please give me some advice about grammer, fluency, and ideas. Thanks!

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Taiwan is a small island located in the southeast of mainland China. It has been restrained in many ways internationally because of its political issues, but is still capable to adapt to the trend of communication industry worldwide. During the first ten years of my life, I believe that I had witnessed the most vigorous period of evolution in the media history in Taiwan. I was so curious not only about the global impacts to this island, but also about that to the other countries. Therefore, My sensitivity of the infinite possibility in the field of communication made me choose this major when admitting to National Taiwan University of Arts.

The two and a half year of studying in TV and Radio Production Department had given me broad and basic knowledge about communication field, such as TV, Broadcasting, Journalism, Internet, and Public Relations. I was especially interested in the development of communication industries around the world, and willing to pursue a career to do with the interflow of communication assets between countries. However, the educational system in Taiwan is in a fixed structure. Although I was able to adapt to this system from elementary through high school, I felt the needs to be in a free and resourceful environment when studying in a professional area. While in National Taiwan University of Arts, I didn’t get to choose many of my courses, so my interest in international communication was hardly satisfied.

On April 2nd, 2003, my mother announced that we were accepted for the immigration visa to the United States. This was a turning point of my life. I got to choose to either stay and finish the degree without my family, or take the chance to where I might have more liberty to study for my interest. Of course I knew that moving to another country would be definitely tough, but I was not afraid of challenges. I saw this as the opportunity of a lifetime, and also wanted to be with my mother who had struggled to raise my two younger brothers and me by herself. Because my visa was going to expire in 20 days, which was the day of my 21st birthday, we flew to the States in a rush. Living temporarily in my uncle’s house and starting our lives from ground zero, I soon realized that I needed to postpone my education and get a job. The decision was painful, but I never forgot to tell myself that getting back to school would be my first priority once I was settled.

It took me a year to adjust my lifestyle, make my working schedule stable, and get a driver’s license. Meanwhile, I also did my research for schools in Washington. UW has been the most reputable university in Washington State for its outstanding faculty, contributive graduates, resourceful facilities, and beautiful campus. The diversity is also an enormous benefit for the communication study, for the more cultural impacts it encounters, the more sparkles it creates. Therefore, the Evening Degree Program is just a merciful opportunity for me to be a part of UW, and to continue working at the same time. Communication is definitely the major I am going to pursue, and I will dedicate my effort to International Communication Concentration. With the determination, I had devoted my second year in the United States to preparing for the admission.

I had once observed the development of it’s own communication industry from that small island, Taiwan, and now it’s time to explore media as part of a global system from this open land, the U.S. I know UW Evening Degree Program will be the perfect spot for me to study. Being a person who doesn’t allow hard work to stop her passion, I believe that I deserve to make the best of my work in UW. And with my enthusiasm, sensitivity, and tenacity, UW will be proud of me one day, for my contribution to our society as a UW graduate.

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The essay above is composed according to the following instruction:

The personal statement should be a comprehensive essay outlining significant aspects of your academic and personal history, particularly those that provide context for your academic achievements and educational choices. Quality of writing and depth of content both contribute toward a meaningful and relevant personal statement.

Please address the following topics as they pertain to you:

Feel free to write about them in whatever format or approach seems most appropriate. Ideally, your entire statement should not exceed two pages.

Academic Elements (required)

Academic History

Tell us about your college career to date, describing your performance, educational path and choices.

Explain any situations that may have had a significant positive or negative impact on your academic progress and or curricular choices. If you transferred multiple times, had a significant break in your education, or changed career paths, explain.

What are the specific reasons you wish to leave your most recent college/university and/or program of study?

Your Major and/or Career Goals

Tell us about your intended major and career aspirations.

Are you prepared to enter your intended major at this time? If not, describe your plans for preparing for the major. What led you to choose this major? If you are still undecided, why? What type of career are you most likely to pursue after finishing your education?

How will the UW help you attain your academic, career, and/or personal goals?

Personal Elements (required)

Cultural Understanding

Thoughtfully describe the ways in which culture had an impact on your life and what you have learned about yourself and society as a result. How has your own cultural history enriched and/or challenged you?

NOTE: Culture may be defined broadly. Cultural understanding is often drawn from the ethnic background, customs, values, and ideas of a person's immediate family, community, and/or social environment in which they live.

Educational Challenges / Personal Hardships (if applicable)

Describe any personal or imposed challenges or hardships you have overcome in pursuing your education.

Examples: a serious illness, a disability, first generation in your family to attend college, significant financial hardship or responsibilities associated with balancing work, family and school.

Experiential Learning (if applicable)

Describe your involvement in research, community service, artistic endeavors, and work (paid or volunteer), and the ways in which it has contributed to your academic, career or personal goals.

Additional Comments (optional)

Do you have a compelling academic or personal need to attend the University of Washington-Seattle at this time? Is there anything else you would like us to know?

3 個解答

評分
  • 匿名使用者
    1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    [Hi again :) This is a great revision, I really like the re-organization. I made more grammatical changes this time. Again, I suggest you ask a native speaker to give your essay a final edit, but ask them to not edit it so much that it loses your original voice. Remember to do a spell check (I might have made a few mistakes as well). And also, make sure you write out the entire "do not" and the "does not," it's always better to avoid abbreviations in formal writings. Maybe you can emphasis a little a more on your desire to go back to school. I thought that was the most moving portion of your essay. I mean, you don't want to make it too cheesy, but it's good to show the admissions officer a compelling personal reason for wanting to attend their school. Other than that, I think your essay looks great. Good luck!]

    Taiwan is a small island (country) located (by the) southeast(ern) (corner of) mainland China. (Although Taiwan's international activities) ha(ve) been restrained in many ways ( ) because of political issues, (it) is still capable (of) adapt(ing) to the trend of (the) (global) communication industry( ). During the first ten years of my life, I believe ( ) I had witnessed the most vigorous period of ( ) media (evolution) in Taiwan. I was (extremely) curious not only about the (impact of the global trend) (on my native) island, but also about (the development in) other countries (around the world). ( ) My (awareness) of the infinite possibilit(ies) in the field of communication made me choose this major [what major? you should name it] when admitting to National Taiwan University of Arts.

    The two and ( ) half year(s) (I spent) studying in (the) TV and Radio Production Department had given me broad and basic knowledge about (the) communication field, such as TV, Broadcasting, Journalism, Internet, and Public Relations. I was especially interested in the development of communication industries around the world, and (it is my desire) to pursue a career (involving the) interflow of communication assets between countries. However, (I always felt that my educational experience was somewhat limited by the fixed structure of the educational system in Taiwan.) Although I was able to adapt to this system from elementary through high school, I felt (strongly for) the need( ) to be in a (liberal) and resourceful environment when (pursuing this) professional (discipline). While in National Taiwan University of Arts, I (did not) get to choose many of my courses, so my interest in international communication was hardly satisfied.

    On April 2nd, 2003, my mother announced that we were accepted for the immigration visa to the United States. This was a turning point (in) my life. I got to choose to either stay and finish the degree without my family, or take the chance to (move to a new country) where I might have more liberty to (pursue) my (passion). Of course I knew that moving to another country would ( ) definitely (be) tough, but I was not afraid of challenges. I saw this as the opportunity of a lifetime, and (I) also wanted to (stay close to) my mother who had struggled to raise my two younger brothers and me by herself. Because my visa was going to expire in 20 days, which was the day of my 21st birthday, we flew to the States in a rush. Living temporarily in my uncles house and starting our lives from ground zero, I soon realized that I needed to postpone my education and get a job. The decision was painful, but I never forgot to tell myself that getting back to school would be my first priority once I was settled.

    It took me a year to adjust (to) my (new) lifestyle; (setting up a stable work schedule and (obtaining) a driver's license. Meanwhile, I ( ) research(ed) for schools in Washington. UW (is) the most reputable university in Washington State for its outstanding faculty, contributive [what do you mean?] graduates, resourceful facilities, and beautiful campus. (I believe that) the diversity (of UW) is ( ) an enormous benefit for the (study of ) communication ( ). (I believe that) the more cultural impact( ) (one) encounters, the more spark(s) it creates (for one intellectually). (The) Evening Degree Program is just a (perfect) opportunity for me to be a part of UW, and to continue working at the same time. Communication is definitely the (discipine) I am going to pursue, and I will dedicate my effort(s) to (the) International Communication Concentration. (It is) with (this) determination (to pursue my education in UW that I had devoted my second year in the United States to preparing for the admission.

    I ha(ve) once observed the (amazing) development of (the) communication industry (of) (a) small island (nation), Taiwan, and now it's time (for me) to explore media as part of (the) global system from (the perspective of) this (giant nation), the U.S. I know (the) UW Evening Degree Program will be the perfect spot for me to study. Being a person who does not allow hard work to stop her passion, I believe that I (will) make the best of my work in UW. (It will be an extreme honor to have the opportunity to study at such a reputable institution.) And with my enthusiasm, sensitivity, and tenacity, (I believe that) I will make UW proud of me one day ( ) as a (successful) UW graduate (and a rare asset to the international communications industry).

  • 4 年前

    [補充樓上] 整篇內容是633個字,蠻正常的個人自傳長度,內容也有針對題目做回答,算寫的蠻不錯的。

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  • 匿名使用者
    1 0 年前

    This is my personal statement (revised version)for addmission to the University of Washington in Seattle. Please give me some advice about grammer, fluency, and ideas. Thanks!

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Taiwan is a small island located in the southeast of mainland China. It has been restrained in many ways internationally because of its political issues, but is still capable to adapt to the trend of communication industry worldwide. During the first ten years of my life, I believe that I had witnessed the most vigorous period of evolution in the media history in Taiwan. I was so curious not only about the global impacts to this island, but also about that to the other countries. Therefore, My sensitivity of the infinite possibility in the field of communication made me choose this major when admitting to National Taiwan University of Arts.

    The two and a half year of studying in TV and Radio Production Department had given me broad and basic knowledge about communication field, such as TV, Broadcasting, Journalism, Internet, and Public Relations. I was especially interested in the development of communication industries around the world, and willing to pursue a career to do with the interflow of communication assets between countries. However, the educational system in Taiwan is in a fixed structure. Although I was able to adapt to this system from elementary through high school, I felt the needs to be in a free and resourceful environment when studying in a professional area. While in National Taiwan University of Arts, I didn’t get to choose many of my courses, so my interest in international communication was hardly satisfied.

    On April 2nd, 2003, my mother announced that we were accepted for the immigration visa to the United States. This was a turning point of my life. I got to choose to either stay and finish the degree without my family, or take the chance to where I might have more liberty to study for my interest. Of course I knew that moving to another country would be definitely tough, but I was not afraid of challenges. I saw this as the opportunity of a lifetime, and also wanted to be with my mother who had struggled to raise my two younger brothers and me by herself. Because my visa was going to expire in 20 days, which was the day of my 21st birthday, we flew to the States in a rush. Living temporarily in my uncle’s house and starting our lives from ground zero, I soon realized that I needed to postpone my education and get a job. The decision was painful, but I never forgot to tell myself that getting back to school would be my first priority once I was settled.

    It took me a year to adjust my lifestyle, make my working schedule stable, and get a driver’s license. Meanwhile, I also did my research for schools in Washington. UW has been the most reputable university in Washington State for its outstanding faculty, contributive graduates, resourceful facilities, and beautiful campus. The diversity is also an enormous benefit for the communication study, for the more cultural impacts it encounters, the more sparkles it creates. Therefore, the Evening Degree Program is just a merciful opportunity for me to be a part of UW, and to continue working at the same time. Communication is definitely the major I am going to pursue, and I will dedicate my effort to International Communication Concentration. With the determination, I had devoted my second year in the United States to preparing for the admission.

    I had once observed the development of it’s own communication industry from that small island, Taiwan, and now it’s time to explore media as part of a global system from this open land, the U.S. I know UW Evening Degree Program will be the perfect spot for me to study. Being a person who doesn’t allow hard work to stop her passion, I believe that I deserve to make the best of my work in UW. And with my enthusiasm, sensitivity, and tenacity, UW will be proud of me one day, for my contribution to our society as a UW graduate.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The essay above is composed according to the following instruction:

    The personal statement should be a comprehensive essay outlining significant aspects of your academic and personal history, particularly those that provide context for your academic achievements and educational choices. Quality of writing and depth of content both contribute toward a meaningful and relevant personal statement.

    Please address the following topics as they pertain to you:

    Feel free to write about them in whatever format or approach seems most appropriate. Ideally, your entire statement should not exceed two pages.

    Academic Elements (required)

    Academic History

    Tell us about your college career to date, describing your performance, educational path and choices.

    Explain any situations that may have had a significant positive or negative impact on your academic progress and or curricular choices. If you transferred multiple times, had a significant break in your education, or changed career paths, explain.

    What are the specific reasons you wish to leave your most recent college/university and/or program of study?

    Your Major and/or Career Goals

    Tell us about your intended major and career aspirations.

    Are you prepared to enter your intended major at this time? If not, describe your plans for preparing for the major. What led you to choose this major? If you are still undecided, why? What type of career are you most likely to pursue after finishing your education?

    How will the UW help you attain your academic, career, and/or personal goals?

    Personal Elements (required)

    Cultural Understanding

    Thoughtfully describe the ways in which culture had an impact on your life and what you have learned about yourself and society as a result. How has your own cultural history enriched and/or challenged you?

    NOTE: Culture may be defined broadly. Cultural understanding is often drawn from the ethnic background, customs, values, and ideas of a person's immediate family, community, and/or social environment in which they live.

    Educational Challenges / Personal Hardships (if applicable)

    Describe any personal or imposed challenges or hardships you have overcome in pursuing your education.

    Examples: a serious illness, a disability, first generation in your family to attend college, significant financial hardship or responsibilities associated with balancing work, family and school.

    Experiential Learning (if applicable)

    Describe your involvement in research, community service, artistic endeavors, and work (paid or volunteer), and the ways in which it has contributed to your academic, career or personal goals.

    Additional Comments (optional)

    Do you have a compelling academic or personal need to attend the University of Washington-Seattle at this time? Is there anything else you would like us to know?

    這是對在西雅圖的華盛頓大學addmission的我的個人陳述(修正的版本)。 請給我一些關於grammer,流利和想法的建議。 感謝﹗

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    台灣是一座位于中國大陸東南的小島。 因為它的政治問題,它已經被國際上阻止用很多模式,但是仍然有能力適應全世界的通訊工業的趨勢。 在我的生活的前10 年,我相信我已經在台灣目睹在媒介歷史方面的演化的最有力的時期。 我如此好奇不僅關於對這座島的全球衝擊,而且關於那到其它國家。 因此,我無限可能性的敏感性在承認國家台灣藝術大學的使我選擇這主要的通訊領域。

    在電視和收音機裡研究的兩年半生產部門已經給我寬和基本的關於通信字段的知識, 例如電視,廣播,新聞業,網際網路和公共關係。 我對全世界的通訊工業的發展特別感興趣, 並且願意追隨一項頭班處理在國家之間的聯繫資產的合流。 不過,在台灣的教育制度用一個固定的架構。 從透過中學初等雖然我能適應這種體制, 當在一個專業地區研究時,我感到在一種免費和足智多謀環境裡的需要。 當在國家台灣藝術大學,我時,didn t開始選擇我的大多數課程,因此我的對國際傳播的興趣幾乎沒滿意。

    在2003年4月2日,我的母親宣佈我們被為對美國的移民簽證接受。 這是我的生活的轉折點。 我必須給兩者中任何一個選擇住並且完成學位沒有我的家庭, 或者對我可以有更多的自由要為我的興趣研究的地方碰運氣。 當然我知道移到另一個國家將明顯堅韌,但是我不害怕挑戰。 我把這視為一生的機會, 以及想要與已經努力自己培養我的兩名弟弟和我的我的母親。 因為我的簽證將要在20天內終止,是我的第21個生日的日子,我們飛往匆忙的美國。 臨時住在我的uncle s房子裡和從爆心投影點開始我們的生活,我不久意識到我需要延遲我的教育並且找到一個工作。 決定痛苦,但是我從未忘記告訴我自己一旦我安頓下來,回到學校將是我的第一個優先權。

    調整我的生活模式,使我工作的時間表穩定,並且得到一張driver s 許可證花費我一年。 同時,我也為在華盛頓的學校做我的研究。 UW是它的傑出的才能,contributive畢業生,足智多謀的設備和美麗的大學校園的在華盛頓州的最有聲譽的大學。 差異此外一巨大好處因為聯繫研究,為越多的文化影響它遭遇,它建立的閃光越多。 因此,那些計畫學位晚上只在給我的仁慈機會UW的一部分歲,並且繼續同時工作。 通訊明確我將要追蹤的主要,並且我將把我的努力獻給國際傳播集中。 由於決心,我已經為了為承認作準備在美國奉獻我的第2 年。

    我曾經已經觀察it s的發展從那座小的島,台灣擁有通訊工業, 現下it s時間,探索媒介作為來自這個開的國家的一個全球系統的部分, 我知道UW 晚上的美國度計畫將是由我研究的完美的點。 作為doesn t允許艱苦的工作停止她的激情的一個人,我相信我應當受到在UW裡充分利用我的工作。 並且由於我的熱情,敏感性和固執,UW有一天將為我感到驕傲, 對于對我們的社會的貢獻來說作為一個UW畢業生。

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    上面的散文被根據下列指示創作︰

    個人陳述應該是略述你的學術性和個人歷史的重要的方面的一篇全面的散文, 特別是為你的學術成就和教育選擇提供上下文的那些。 寫和內容的深度的質量兩個有助于一個有意義和相關的個人陳述。

    當他們屬于你時,請處理下列題目︰

    隨意用任何形式寫他們否則接近好像非常合適。 最好,你的整個陳述不應該超過兩頁。

    學術要素(要求)

    學術歷史

    到目前為止把你的學院頭班告訴我們,描述你的作秀,教育道路和選擇。

    解釋任何情勢有可能重要正或者負對你學術發展的影響和或者課程選擇。 如果你轉多次,在你的教育方面有一個顯著的休息,或者改變頭班途徑,解釋。

    你離開你的研究的最新近的學院/大學和計畫希望的具體的原因是什麼?

    你的主要和/或頭班目標

    把你的計畫的專業和頭班願望告訴我們。

    你準備在這個時期進入你的計畫的陸軍少校嗎? 如果不,描述你的為陸軍少校作準備的計畫。 什麼使你選擇這名陸軍少校? 如果你仍然沒有決定,為什麼? 那項頭班是你很可能追蹤在完成你的教育之后?

    UW 將怎樣幫助你取得你的學術性,頭班和/或個人目標?

    個人要素(要求)

    文化理解

    深思描述模式,文化因此對你的生活和你所了解自己的和社會有影響。 怎樣有你自己文化歷史豐富和/或富于挑戰性你?

    注意到︰ 文化可能被寬地確定。 文化理解經常被從種族背景,海關,價值和人的直系親屬的想法,社區和/或社會環境拉, 他們住。

    教育挑戰/ 個人艱難(如果適用)

    任何程度描述個人或者強加的你已經在追隨你的教育方面克服的挑戰或者艱難。

    例子︰ 一場重病,生理殘障,首先在上大學的你的家庭的產生, 與平衡工作,家庭和學校相關的重要的金融艱難或者責任。

    (如果適用)經驗學習

    描述你的與研究的牽連,社區服務,藝術努力,和工作(支付或者自願獻出), 以及它已經有助于你的學術性,頭班或者個人目標的模式。

    附加意見(可選擇)

    你有在這個時期伴隨華盛頓西雅圖大學的一個強迫的學術性還是個人需要嗎? 有你希望我們知道的其它任何事情嗎?

    嗯!!表達的很順暢~~

    你是高手!!認同你!!不需任何的意見~~

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