匿名使用者
匿名使用者 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

幫忙修改我的英文詩(急~20點)

幫我看看哪裡需要改的,尤其是我文法很濫....,還有意思有沒有通

謝謝大家摟

What is sadness?

Is it as pain as a sword stabs into your spine?

Or like looking at the one that you love to die

Maybe it's a horrible Holocaust

People crowded together screaming and crying

Try to avoid sadness attacks and resides in them

But when it overwhelms them

Just a little that can run away

Others will be trapped in the camp

And sadness will haunts them everyday

Until one day they become brave

Then beat the abhorrent wraith

They will walk out the camp

And everything is going to be okay

已更新項目:

問一下喔 [] 有什麼意思嗎..?

還有[ ]就是要改的,對吧..?

2 個已更新項目:

可以直接把改過的寫上去嗎..?

因為這樣我比較知道要怎麼改...謝謝摟

不好意思,麻煩了

2 個解答

評分
  • 匿名使用者
    1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    What is sadness?

    Is it [] pain as a sword stabs into your spine?

    Or like looking at the [dying of] the one [] you love

    Maybe it's a horrible Holocaust

    People crowded together[,] screaming and crying

    Try to avoid sadness attacks [that] reside[] in them

    But when it overwhelms them

    Just [some] can run away << 或者用 escape

    Others will be trapped in the camp

    And sadness will haunt them everyday

    Until one day they become brave

    [And] beat[或 defeat] the abhorrent wraith

    They will walk out [of] the camp

    And everything [will] going to be okay

    不錯喔~

    2005-10-28 13:04:21 補充:

    是我有改的地方

    []裡是空的話就是我有把字刪除

    [__]有東西就是有改過或加入的東西

    只是讓你知道哪裡要改啦~

    2005-10-28 13:08:27 補充:

    就把所有的方刮號[]去掉

    裡面的東西別刪喔~

    像 Or like looking at the [dying of] the one [] you love

    就變成

    Or like looking at the dying of the one you love

    還有~ beat 跟 defeat 選一個

  • jos
    Lv 6
    1 0 年前

    What is sadness?

    Is it as painFUL as stabBING A SWORD in your spine?

    Or SEE YOUR LOVED ONES DYING

    Maybe it's a horrible Holocaust

    People SQUEEZED together, screaming and crying

    *Try to avoid sadness attacks and resides in them => i don't understand this sentence!

    But when it overwhelms them

    *Just a little that can run away

    *Others will be trapped in the camp => i don't understand this 2 sentences!

    And sadness will haunt them everyday

    Until one day they become brave

    Then beat the abhorrent wraith => what do you mean by "abhorrent wraith"?

    They will walk out the camp

    And everything is going to be okay

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