Mildred 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

請各位幫個忙,糾正英文作文好嗎?謝謝你們^^

能否請各位幫我批改以下的作文呢?謝謝你們~^^

我這樣寫是否有錯誤呢?還是說能有更好句子可代替的?

My unforgetable experience

To get a traffice ticket was my unforgetable experience.

It was happend on my last semester and I didn't forget it forever.

since that day was my midterm exam , and I didn't have exam until the afternoon.

Therefor I want to get to school early to study the text book.

Unfortunatly , it happend that I went out in the midday.

The sun was too bright to see the traffice light ,

so I passed the intersection when the traffice light was red.

It was unbelievable that police was near by me ,

so that I was punished by the police and got a traffice ticket.

It was let me felt angry and embarrassing on a moment .

To give a traffice ticket because I was being careless was my unforgetable experience.

3 個解答

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  • 1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    Mia:你的文章大致上說來文法正確,但從整體上看來有許多冗贅無關重點的敘述,而且以「中式」思維來表達。例如:你被開罰單主要原因是當天陽光太亮遮住了紅綠燈,但是你卻花了許多篇幅提到考試的時間、當天下午沒有課等與主題無關的敘述。交通違規是一個是一個令人難忘的「事件」,而不是一個「經驗」。經驗是要經過一段時間的累積而且必須重複發生,才會成為「經驗」,這就是我所謂的「中式思維」。以下我根據你所要表達的意思,以精簡(除去與主題無關的敘述)和精確(聚焦於描述事件發生的經過)的方式,來表達一個令人「難忘」的事件。你可以加以比較體會,希望對你日後的作文有所幫助。An unforgettable incident: running the red lightThe incident was happened in an afternoon of last semester when I was taking the mid-term examinations. I remembered the bright sunlight shadowed the traffic lights at the intersection where I was driving through. I was stopped by a police officer who charged me running traffic light and issued a ticket to me on the spot. It was embarrassing and unforgivable for not paying enough attention to the traffic light when crossing the street.

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  • 1 0 年前

    (My) Unforgetable experience

    To get a traffice ticket was my unforgetable experience.

    It (was) happend on my last semester and I (didn't forget it forever) will never forget.

    It (since that day) was my midterm exam , (and) I didn't have exam until the afternoon.

    (Therefor) I want(ed) to go (get) to school (early) earlier to study the text book.

    (Unfortunatly , it happend that I went out in the midday.)

    The sun was too bright to see the traffice light ,

    so I passed the intersection (when the) without seeing that the traffice light was red

    (It was unbelievable that) and police was near by me ,

    so (that I was punished by the police and) I got a traffice ticket.

    It (was) let me (felt) feel angry and embarrassing (on a) at the moment .

    To (give) get a traffice ticket because of my (I was being) careless was my unforgetable experience.

    參考資料: myself
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  • 1 0 年前

    My unforgetable experience

    (Getting) a (traffic) ticket was my unforgetable experience.

    It (happened) (in) my last semester and I (won't) forget it forever.

    (That) day was my midterm exam , and I didn't have exam until the afternoon.

    (However,) I (also wanted) to get to school early to study the text book.

    Unfortunatly , it happend (when) I went out in the midday.

    The sun was too bright to see the (traffic) light ,

    so I passed(went across) the intersection when the (traffic) light was red.

    It was unbelievable that police was near by me ,

    so I was punished by the police and got a (traffic) ticket.

    It (let) me (feel) angry and (embarrassed) (at that) moment .

    (Getting) a (traffic) ticket because I (was) careless. (It) was my unforgetable experience.

    ( )的部份是更改的..

    參考資料: my opinion
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