家睿 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

我的英文詩,構句是否有問題?怎樣改可以更通順?

請各位大大多多指教

Life is the sum of torments, sorrow, sadness, and misery.

Sometimes, rejoicings would show themselves out for me.

But suddenly, it has gone... Would not care the depression they brought me.

All the happiness I could only recollect them in my memory.

3 個解答

評分
  • Adam
    Lv 7
    1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    Life is the sum of torment, sorrow, sadness, and misery. (這些情緒名詞都可以是可數或不可數,你既然後面三個都用不可數的型態,torment我也建議不加s,以下的rejoicing的道理也是一樣)Sometimes, rejoicing would show itself out for me.(這裡我也將rejoicing改成不可數,所以它的反身代名詞也跟著改成itself了; 此外你的下一行詩也是用單數的it,所以這裡改成不可數名詞會比較好吧!)But suddenly, it has gone, not caring the depression they has brought me.(這行你用would not care在語法上是有缺陷的,即使是詩行,基本上也是要符合語法,所以我幫你把它改成分詞構句的結構)All the happiness (主詞) I could only recollect (形容詞子句修飾happiness) (主詞happiness沒有動詞了??) in my memory. (你原句的them的指涉語意不清且不需要,所以我幫你刪去! 而且這行詩的語句結構好像並不完整,我不太清楚的這句話確切要表達出什麼,所以只好依自己的猜想幫你改成:All the happiness I could recollect exists only in my memory.)

    參考資料: myself
  • 匿名使用者
    1 0 年前

    I think it’s a very good poem, well

    done, only small modification to share with you:

    Life is a sum of torments, sorrow, sadness, and misery.

    At times, rejoicing, jubilation, triumph and delight also came to me.

    Abruptly it’s all gone, only depression left for me.

    All the happiness is the recollection in my memory.

  • 1 0 年前

    All the happiness I could only recollect them in my memory.

    改成 I could only recollect all the happiness in my memory. 比較好喔!

    參考資料: 我自己
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