雪糕 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

英文笑話 寒假作業

請問你們有多少英文笑話,越多越好,那是我ㄉ寒假作業。

幫幫忙吧!

P.s,要有翻譯喔~

6 個解答

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  • 最佳解答

    "Good grief, you'v got the biggest cavity I've ever seen!" the dentist exclaimed as he examined a new patient. "The biggest cavity I've ever seen!" The patient snapped, "You don't have to repeat it."

    "I didn't," replied the dentist. "That was an echo."

    『天啊,我從沒看過這麼大顆的蛀牙!』牙醫在檢查新患者的牙齒時這麼說。

    『我從沒看過這麼大顆的蛀牙!』病人有點不高興的說,『那也沒必要一直重覆吧。』

    『我沒有啊』,牙醫回答。『那個是回音。』

    If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

    如果你認為沒有人在乎你,試試少付幾筆帳看看。

    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

    偷一個人的點子叫剽竊;偷一群人的點子叫研究。

    At the lost-and-found counter in the department store.

    "What's your name, little boy?"

    "I don't know."

    "How does your mother call you when the cakes are done?"

    "She doesn't call me; I'm there already."

    在百貨公司的失物招領櫃檯.

    『你叫什麼名字呢?小男孩?』

    『我不知道』

    『你媽媽在蛋糕烤好時是怎麼叫你的?』

    『她沒有叫我;我已經在那兒了。』

    "This morning I telephoned to sign up for an exercise class and the instructor told me to wear loose clothing .I said, "If I had any loose clothing, I wouldn't need the class."

    今天早上我打電話報名參加一堂運動課程而教練叫我穿寬鬆一點衣服來。

    我回答,『如果我還有寬鬆的衣服可以穿,我就用不著來了。』

    A woman was reporting to her husband about the events of the day.

    "Oh, and I had a big fight with the electric company."

    "Really? Who won?"

    "Nobody, it was a tie. They don't get any money and we don't get any electricity."

    一位女士興緻勃勃地向先生訴說著當天發生的事。

    『喔,另外我和電力公司吵了一架!』

    『真的嗎?後來誰贏?』

    『沒有人贏,算扯平吧,他們沒拿到一毛錢,而我們也沒有電可用。』

    Father: I think our son gets all his brains from me...

    Mother :Probably-I still have all mine.

    父親:我想我們兒子的腦子是得自於我。

    母親:應該沒錯--我的腦子還在。

    或至下列網址:

    http://content.edu.tw/senior/english/tp_tt/main.ht...

    點選短文欣賞(有較長篇的幽默文章) 或趣味英語-->底下的笑話集.

    它的文章裡, 用滑鼠點到某句,旁邊的視窗就會有該句的翻譯.很完整

    參考資料: 瑞~愛流浪, 也愛看英文文章, 我還有別的笑話喔
  • 匿名使用者
    6 年前

    瞭解一次、多一次的保障。尋找八大行業工作。必須謹慎小心一點。

    小巴常說:保險跟冒險只差一個字,意義卻是大不同!

    一通電話、一次詢問。都是為自己的著想。

  • 1 0 年前

    這個是翻譯機的網址:

    http://www.worldlingo.com/zh_tw/microsoft/computer...

    自己找吧~

  • 1 0 年前

    1.青蛙與算命師

    A frog is sad because he has never had a girlfriend,so,one day,he hops into town and pays a fortune-teller a visit.

    有隻青蛙很傷心,因為她從來都沒交過女朋友。所以,有一天,他就跳進城裡,找了一位算命師。

    The fortune-teller looks into her crystal ball and tells the frog that he will soon meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about him.

    那位算命師看了他的水晶球後,就跟青蛙說,牠很快就會遇到一個女子,而那位女子會對牠的一切感到興趣。

    "Really? That's great!" says the frog,excited at the news. "Where will I meet her? At the summer pool party?"

    「真的嗎?那真是太好了!」青蛙很高興聽到這個好消息。牠接著問「那我會在哪遇見她呢?在夏天清涼派對時嗎?」

    "No,"says the fortune-teller . "Next semester in her biology class."

    「並不是」算命師回答:「是在她下學期的生物課!」

    2. 載企鵝

    A man driving a truck comes across a load of penguins looking lost.

    有一個男人開著卡車的時候,遇到了一群好像迷路的企鵝

    He takes pity on them and loads them into his truck.

    他很同情他們,所以就讓牠們上了卡車。

    Later, a cap pulls the truck over. (cap應該是cop )

    後來,有位警察要他靠路邊停車

    "What's with all the penguins ? " he says.

    警察問道「為什麼有這麼多企鵝?」

    The mam replies :" I saw them on the road and I picked them up."

    The cop says:" You should take them to the zoo."

    那男人回答﹔「我在路上看到牠們,然後讓他們上車。」

    警察說「那你應該送牠們去動物園」

    later, the cap sees the man driving by again.

    All the penguins are in bathing suits.

    後來,那問警察又看到這個男人經過

    而且所有的企鵝都穿上了泳裝

    "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo," the cap says.

    "I did," says the man. "We had so much fun that I'm taking them to the beach."

    警察就問「我不是叫你帶牠們去動物園嗎?」

    那男人回答「有啊,我們在動物園玩得很愉快,現在接著要去海邊玩了」

    3.搶劫

    Two men are walking down the street when a guy with a gun jump out.

    "Give me all your money!" the robber shouts.

    兩個男人在路上走著,突然跳出了一個手持武器的人

    那個搶匪大喊著「快把你們所有的錢都掏出來」

    As the two men open their wallets, one of them thinks for a moment,and then hands his friend a bill and says,"Here's that twenty dollars I owe you."

    當他們兩個人都在拿皮夾時,其中有一個人想了一下,然後掏了張鈔票給他朋友,說「這是我欠你的二十塊,拿去吧」

    你可以選一下,第二篇企鵝的應該夠長

    參考資料: 剛剛幫一位網友翻譯的小笑話
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  • 1 0 年前

    Who would be the president?

    Bill Clinton & Hillary stopped at a filling station. She talked to the attendant for a while. Bill asked “Who is that guy?” She said, “My old boy friend.”

    Bill said, “Good thing you didn’t marry him. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be the first lady today.”

    Hillary said, “If I had married him, maybe he would be the president today, not you.”

    誰來當總統?

    柯林頓和希拉蕊開車停在一個加油站,希拉蕊和加油工人聊起天來,後來柯林頓問她:「那傢伙是誰?」希拉蕊回答:「那是我以前的男朋友。」

    這下柯林頓可得意了:「好在妳沒嫁給他,否則妳今天就不會是美國第一夫人了。」

    希拉蕊哼了一聲:「如果我嫁給他,那麼今天的美國總統就是他了。」

    Who is nothing?

    An English professor wrote the words: “woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

    The man wrote: “ Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

    The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

    誰一無所是?

    一名英國文學教授在黑板上寫道:「女性若缺乏男人一無所是。」並要學生加上正確的標點。

    男生的句子是:「女性,若缺乏男人,一無所是。」

    女生的句子是:「女性!若缺乏,男人一無所是。」

    Pleasure and pain

    Young: Lack of pleasure is pain.

    Old: Lack of pain is pleasure.

    樂趣與痛苦

    年輕:少了樂趣便有痛苦。

    年老:少了痛苦便有樂趣。

    Monk and his beans

    Years age two monks were required to do penance and ordered to wear dried beans in their shoes. One of them walked around limping, while the other walked with ease. “How can you walk around so easily, “The suffering monk asked the other.

    “Easy, ” replied the other. “I boiled them.”

    和尚與豆子

    多年前,兩個和尚依照規定苦修贖罪,必須在鞋裡放乾的豆子,其中一個舉步蹣跚,另一個卻輕鬆自如。受罪的和尚問另一人:「你怎麼能這麼健步如飛?」

    另一人回答:「簡單,我事先煮過。」

    參考資料: 看笑話學英文
  • 匿名使用者
    1 0 年前

    英文笑話

    A Small Dragon

    Xiao-long: Ma, why did you name me Xiao-long (a small dragon)?

    Mother: Because when I was pregnant with you, I dreamed of a small

    dragon.

    Xiao-long: Oh! I see. . .But, but, but, if what you dreamed of was not

    a small dragon, but a small pig, then . . .

     

    小 龍

    小龍:媽,為甚麼您給我起名字叫小龍?

    媽:因為當我懷你的時候,我夢過一條小龍。

    小龍:喔!我明白了。但是,但是,但是如果您夢到的不是小龍而是小豬那 . .

    .

    ____________________________________________________________________

     

    A Busy Patient

    Patient: Doctor, I feel so weak.

    Doctor: Okay, let me check.

    Patient: What's wrong with me?

    Doctor: You are physically exhausted. You need more nutrition.

    Patient: How can I get enough nutrition quickly? I am a very busy man.

    Doctor: Intravenous drip.

    Patient: How long would it take?

    Doctor: A couple of hours.

    Patient: (Points to the intravenous drip bottle) May I drink it? I can

    finish it in three minutes.

     

    繁忙的病人

    病人:醫生,我覺得渾身無力。

    醫生:好,讓我檢查檢查。

    病人:我怎麼了?

    醫生:體力過渡消耗,你需要增加營養。

    病人:我是個大忙人,有甚麼辦法能叫我快點獲得足夠的營養?

    醫生:打點滴。

    病人:打點滴要多久?

    醫生:兩三個小時。

    病人:(手指著裝有點滴的瓶子)可不可以用喝的?我三分鐘就能把它喝完。

    ____________________________________________________________________

     

    Daydream

    Lucy: Do you dream at nighttime?

    Jack: No, I only dream at daytime.

     

    白日夢者

    露西:你晚上做不做夢?

    傑克:我晚上不做夢,我只有白天才做夢。

    ____________________________________________________________________

     

    A Window Seat

    A: Which do you prefer, a window seat or an aisle seat?

    B: I always prefer a window seat.

    A: Why?

    B: In case some bad thing happen I can jump out from it.

     

    靠窗的座位

    (甲乙二人要搭飛機,在上飛機以前):

    甲:在飛機上你喜歡坐靠窗的座位還是靠通道的座位?

    乙:我總是喜歡坐靠窗的座位。

    甲:為甚麼呢?

    乙:萬一飛機出事我好從窗子跳出去。

    (這完全是個笑話,飛機上的窗子是打不開的。)

    ____________________________________________________________________

     

    Salt and Blood Pressure

    Father: Shut up! Don't tell your father how to manage our business. I

    have eaten more salt than you have rice!

    Son: Yes, sir. But no wonder your blood pressure is getting so high.

     

    鹽與血壓

    父親:閉嘴!不要告訴你老子我應當怎麼幹,我吃的鹽比你吃的米還多!

    兒子:遵命。可是怪不得您的血壓如今這麼高。

    (註:醫學報導,人若吃得太鹹,血壓就會變高)

     

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