Need Proofread w/ 1 paragraph
I am writing a research paper about should cell phone usage while driving be prohibated. 我的立場是cell phone usage should NOT be banned while driving.
here is my second paragraphs. I know it sounds like i\'m going against myself, saying phoning and drving does INCREASES the risk of accident, but this is just a start, because in the next paragraph i want to talk about how \"none of the researchers were able to make the statement that cellular telephone use CAUSES traffic collisions\".
I need help with grammar and sentences structure..><
Many of us have witnessed drivers so distracted by dialing and chatting that they resemble drunk drivers, weaving between lanes, for example, or nearly running down pedestrians in crosswalks. Numerous of studies done on researches and data colleted relating to the effects of mobile telephoning and driving have made “the statement that operating a mobile telephone while driving may decrease traffic safety, depending on the circumstances.” (CTIA) Furthermore, studies done by the University of Toronto (published in the New England Journal of Medicine) with “699 drivers with cellular telephones who had been involved in a motor vehicle collision” has concluded that the brief period of a call quadruple the risk of a getting into accident. (CTIA) As a matter of fact, knowing the use of hand-held cell phones may raises crash risk for the driver cannot have both hand places properly on the wheel; according to Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, surprising news to many is that even with the use of hands-free phone; “either phone type increased the chance of collision” for the reason that many so-called hands-free phones that are in common use today aren\'t really hands-free. Admittedly, using cell phones while driving does increases the chance of accident happens.
P.S: 我 \"不是\" 需要翻譯..謝謝.. ^^\"
- stevehfchenLv 51 0 年前最佳解答
Many of us have witnessed drivers who are so distracted by dialing and chatting that they resemble drunk drivers. They weave between lanes, for example, or nearly run down pedestrians at crosswalks.
第一句有點run on 的嫌疑，所以我會把它拆兩句，也比較容易懂。crosswalks的介系詞則應該是at.
Numerous studies done... have made the statement that "operating a .... Numerous可以直接修飾studies，不用加介系詞。還有"放錯地方了。這句可以在簡潔一點也不用quote: Numerous researches done and data collected... have concluded that operating.... on the circumstances. (CTIA)
Furthermore.... with 699 drivers ... vehicle collision has concluded.... 這都不需要加"，不是很確定你為什麼加上去。不然你也可以調一下位置：Furthermore, studies conducted to 699 drivers... collision done by the University of...。
As a matter of fact，用In fact代替就好。As a matter of fact是個比較fancy的用法。"In fact" 簡短、有力、to the point.
may increase the crash risk 怪怪的，考慮這個：may increase the chance of crashing for that the driver...
...Highway Safety, surprising news to many is that even with the use of hands-free phone 這句子怎麼斷掉了？和後面的接不起來。Try this: ...Highway Safety, surprising news to many is that with the use of hands-free phone still increases the chance of collision for the reason that...參考資料： 7 years in US
- 匿名使用者4 年前
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