小布 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

幫我看看這篇文章有錯誤嗎

請幫我修改:

Some people against the idea that students should be physically punished in school, but I think appropriate physical punishment is important. Now, parents are spoilt their children, that made teachers don’t punish students physically. But students became crazier and crazier. So I think physical punishment would give students a direct warning and change their future behavior effectively. However, the teacher shouldn’t punish students physically just because he or she is not having a good day. Excessive physical punishment may lead to tension between the teacher and student, even hurt a student’s dignity. To sum up, teacher can punish student physically but not to hurt them.

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  • 路人
    Lv 4
    1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    我儘可能用你的原文修改, 結論的地方要注意一下,

    不要寫出會讓自己的立場辯的糢糊的句子喔!!

    以下:

    Some people are against the idea that students should be physically punished

    in school, but I think appropriate physical punishment is necessary.

    --> against不是動詞

    --> 語意上, 體罰是 "有需要的" 會比體罰是 "重要的" 來的恰當

    Nowadays, parents spoil their children too much,

    --> 父母寵小孩是主動與態, 不是被動語態)

    and that stops teachers from punishing students physically.

    --> that 在這邊是指事代名詞的用法, 不是關係代名詞, 所以要有連接詞

    --> make不好, 改用stop... from...比較好

    (較強力的表示可能有某外力阻止某人做某事, 或促使某人不做某事)

    --> 還有這些句子都是現在的事實,應用現在式寫, 而非過去式

    Thus, students become lazier and lazier.

    --> 連接詞和時態換一下, 還有小孩是變懶惰, 不是變瘋吧^^"

    So I think physical punishment is necessary because it gives students a direct warning and can change their future behavior effectively.

    --> 這句我只幫你修飾中間ㄧ些些

    Of course, teachers shouldn't punish students just because he or she is not having a good day.

    --> 連接詞這邊不要用However,

    否則感覺你的立場好像從贊成體罰變成不贊成^^"

    改成我上面那樣, 比較像附帶條件的體罰, 而非語氣或立場的轉變

    Excessive physical punishment may lead to the tensions between the teacher and student, or even hurt a student's dignity.

    --> 當tension指的是某兩方關係的緊張時, tension是可數的,

    而且要加定冠詞the, 因為你指定的對象(師生)已經寫出來了)

    --> even 前要有連接詞啦)

    To sum up, as long as teachers can punish students properly, I am for physical punishment. (我覺得結論這樣會比較順暢喔)

    參考資料: ME
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