可以幫我看一下我的英文演講稿嗎??

hello everyone! my name is shannon ,I was graduated from zhong lun junior high school,I was born on auguest eighteenth,19991,My hobby is reading books and listening to the music,my favorite subject is science ,because it does a great relation to our living.but my Chinese is poor,so I have to study hard for Chinese to pass the test.I wish I can be the teacher in the future. My English isn't very good,so I want to attend many English contests to practice my English.at last I'm grateful for your attention,and have a good day.

各位大大~可以幫我找找哪裡有錯的地方嗎??

已更新項目:

大小寫不用管~因為最後是唸出來~稿子沒意義= =

4 個解答

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  • 1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    各位大大~可以幫我找找哪裡有錯!

    Ladies and gentlemen, my name is shannon . I was born on August 18, 19991. I was graduated from zhong lun junior high school. My hobby is reading and listening to the music. Also, my favorite subject is science, because it influences our life deeply. My Chinese is poor, so I have to study hard in Chinese to pass the test. I wish I will be a teacher in the future. My English isn't very good, so I attend many English contests to practice my English. Finally, I'm appreciated for your attention,and wish all of you have a good day.

    1, 順序修正

    2, 太多第一人稱

    3, 贅字太多

    以上為以原文章基礎作部分修飾

    參考資料: rule
  • 1 0 年前

    Hello, my name is shannon. I graduated from zhong lun junior high school. I was born on august 18th, 1991. My hobby is reading books and listening to music. My favorite subject is science, because it's in every part of our daily life. My chinese is not so good, so I have to study hard on Chinese to pass the test. I want to be a teacher in the future. My English isn't good either, so I want to attend contests for practicing my English. I appreciate your attention. Have a wonderful day!

  • 1 0 年前

    Hello everyone! my name is shannon ,I was graduated from zhong lun junior high school, I was born on August eighteenth,19991,My hobby is reading books and listening to the music, My favorite subject is science ,because it is closely related to our everyday life. However, my Chinese is poor, so I have to study harder for Chinese in order to pass the test. My goal is to become a teacher in the future. My English isn’t very good as well, so I want to attend as much English contests as possible to practice my English skill. I’m grateful(appreciate) for your attention, and have a good(wonderful) day.

    參考資料: Myself
  • 1 0 年前

    listening to the music.....it should be listening music

    it does a great relation...you need a verb so it should be it is a great relation

    I wish I can be the teacher ...it should be i wish i can be a teacher

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