阿田 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

麻煩高手幫我改一下這件作文

幫我看看是否有文句不順..文法錯誤等問題..麻煩請告訴我錯在哪裡..要如何改進比較好~謝謝啦^^

主題是隱私..

“A private life is a private life and I ant to keep my private life private.” Everybody always envy the fame and status that a superstar have, but they will never understand the sacrifice they have paid. And privacy is the first things you will lose in your everyday life such as never go out with the friend of the opposite sex, because paparazzi is always “by your side.” Never go out without bodyguards because there are many frantic fans ready to scream, hog, and touch you unexpectedly. Never have the chance to sit at the couch to chat with friends in the leisure time because I am full of schedule for everlasting tours and TV shows. It feels like that I am a bird kept in a small cage waiting desperately for the freedom to come. If I could turn back the time, I wish I was still the naïve and ordinary girl that I used to be. No more stylish clothes, delicate make-up, and faking smiles, only real me. Because I believe that “freedom and privacy do not cost a thing.”

1 個解答

評分
  • Hi^_^~
    Lv 4
    1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    Privacy is a private life that I want to appeal to your attention here. People always envy the fame and status that a celebrity has, but they will never understand the price he has suffered. And privacy is the first thing you will lose in his everyday life if you are a superstar. For example, you can never go out with a friend of the opposite sex because paparazzi are always “by your side”. You can never go out without at least one bodyguard because there are many frantic fans ready to scream, hog, and touch you unexpectedly. You can never have a chance to sit on a couch to chat with friends in your leisure hours because you always have a tight schedule filled with everlasting concert tours and TV shows. It sounds like that you are a cage bird waiting desperately for the coming of the precious freedom. If you could return to the past, I bet you wish you were that naive and ordinary person that you used to be. No more stylish clothes, delicate make-up, and fake smiles, only real you. We can never be too emphatic about personal freedom and privacy even though “freedom and privacy do not cost a thing”.

    1.

    a) A private life is a private life and I ant to keep my private life private.

    b) Privacy is a private life that I want to appeal to your attention here.

    2.

    a) Everybody always envy the fame and status that a superstar have, but they will never understand the sacrifice they have paid.

    b) People always envy the fame and status that a celebrity has, but they will never understand the price he has paid.

    3.

    a) And privacy is the first things you will lose in your everyday life such as never go out with the friend of the opposite sex, because paparazzi is always “by your side.”

    b) And privacy is the first thing you will lose in his everyday life if you are a superstar. For example, you can never go out with a friend of the opposite sex because paparazzi are always “by your side”.

    2007-03-21 20:05:51 補充:

    4.

    a) Never go out without bodyguards because there are many frantic fans ready to scream, hog, and touch you unexpectedly.

    b) You can never go out without at least one bodyguard because there are many frantic fans ready to scream, hog, and touch you unexpectedly.

    2007-03-21 20:07:49 補充:

    很抱歉,字數已滿,請自行對照修改文章。

    2007-03-21 20:09:50 補充:

    文章內容很好也很充實,只有文章中的人称不協調,略做修整。

    2007-03-21 20:13:12 補充:

    (誤) People always envy the fame and status that a celebrity has, but they will never understand the price he has suffered.

    (正) People always envy the fame and status that a celebrity has, but they will never understand the price he has paid.

    2007-03-21 20:13:25 補充:

    (正') People always envy the fame and status that a celebrity has, but they will never understand the sacrifice he has suffered from.

    2007-03-21 23:07:05 補充:

    (誤) hog (正) hug

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