promotion image of download ymail app
Promoted
小晴 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

幫我看看我的英文自傳~有國貿經驗的人請進~急20點

幫我看看我的英文自傳

這是一封要應徵國貿助理的自傳

最好是有國貿經驗的人閱過

看看哪裡需要改進的或是要加強的

I had graduated at National Chin-Yi Institute of Technology in June 2006. My major in Marketing and Project. I have chosen the course of Practice of Tax Accounting、Product Management and International Trade and so on, and I learn how to collect the information、develop capability to solve problems and how to execute project .

I study at Nan-Jeon Institute of Technology in June 2004. My major in International Trade. I have chosen the course of Practice of International Trade、Marketing、Financial Management and Economic Analysis, and so on. In extracurricular activities, I have joined the student association of International Trade department. From the experience I have learned how to execute the project. It is the most influence which I attention a case competition. I can to put into practice what has been learned, and from the experience I have learned how to negotiation with team to achieve a goal and it is important to teamwork. My interpersonal relation and lead ship have promotion.

I also have some part-time jobs during winter and summer vacation in order to increase the opportunities made use of my learning. I have been service personnel of restaurant and an administrative personnel and a packing personnel in the company. After I graduating, I had done English assistant in the cram school, and a sales personnel. From these jobs, I have learned to have patience and perseverance. The most important is it has to hard to do every thing.

Concerning personality, I am adaptable, independent and get along well. I like to leaning new thing often. I think that to be an Assistant International Trading personnel, the most important elements are being active-attituded and self-motivated. I will do my best to do my duty, help my colleagues, and create good working atmosphere. It will be my pleasure if I have a chance to work for you.

2 個解答

評分
  • 1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    前提:我沒有國貿經驗

    您的文章有些文法問題,但是邏輯通順,辭能達意,所以我大體上能抓到您文章的意思,你的每一句我都仔細推敲過,有疑問的地方,我也盡量寫詳細在您的句子後,希望您的英文能力能有所提升.

    I had graduated at National Chin-Yi Institute of Technology in June 2006. (過去分詞誤用, 及介係詞誤用)

    I graduated from National Chin-Yi Institute of Technology in June 2006.

    My major in Marketing and Project. (沒有動詞,科目不用大寫,另外科目名稱也可能翻錯了,我不確定,建議您附上中文)

    I majored in ...

    I have chosen the course of Practice of Tax Accounting、Product Management and International Trade and so on, (過去分詞誤用,選課:take a course,科目不用大寫,另外科目名稱也可能翻錯了,我不確定,建議您附上中文,英文標點符號沒有頓號>要用逗號)

    I took many courses relative to my major, such as ..., and so on.

    and I learn how to collect the information、develop capability to solve problems and how to execute project .(動詞需用過去式,英文標點符號沒有頓號>要用逗號,develop capability to solve problems照您所寫意思是學會如何發展解決問題的能力,但是我想你想表達的意思應該是發展...的能力,因此develop是獨立的動詞,不要跟learn to learn..., develop... 寫在一起)

    I learned how to collect information, execute projects, and developed problem-solving capability.

    I study at Nan-Jeon Institute of Technology in June 2004. (時態錯誤)(另外你只有在2004六月,就讀於Nan-Jeon 嗎?還是畢業呢)

    I graduated from Nan-Jeon Institute of Technology in June 2004.

    My major in International Trade. (沒有動詞,科目不用大寫)

    I majored in international trade then.

    I have chosen the course of Practice of International Trade、Marketing、Financial Management and Economic Analysis, and so on. (過去分詞誤用,選課:take a course,科目不用大寫,另外科目名稱也可能翻錯了,我不確定,建議您附上中文,英文標點符號沒有頓號>要用逗號)

    I took courses of ..., and so on.

    In extracurricular activities, I have joined the student association of International Trade department.(現在分詞誤用)

    For extracurricular activities, I joined the student association of international trade department.

    2007-04-11 22:54:00 補充:

    From the experience I have learned how to execute the project. (定冠詞the有指定某一個東西>但是文章中又解讀不到,所以用a就可以囉)

    As a member of student association of international trade department, I learned how to execute a project.

    2007-04-11 22:54:27 補充:

    It is the most influence which I attention a case competition. (動詞需用過去式,attention a case competition:不甚懂)

    It influenced me a lot that "I should place a high value on case competition????"

    2007-04-11 22:56:15 補充:

    I can to put into practice ... (put sth. into practice,您所學到的經驗一般來說,應該是要擺在put後面,但是由於您寫的東西長了一點,所以這種情況下,可允許擺在into practice之後. waht has been learned...文法上是名詞子句,您這邊缺少主詞,negotiation是名詞,learn to要接動詞)

    2007-04-11 22:56:55 補充:

    I put into practice what I have learned from those experience and learned that teamwork was the most important thing. To achieve a goal, it took the negotiation with team members for granted.

    2007-04-11 22:57:07 補充:

    My interpersonal relation and lead ship have promotion. (promotion是名詞,promote是及物動詞,後面一定要加受詞,我選rise它是不及物動詞,後面一定不加受詞,才合乎文法,另外interpersonal這個字用的很棒)

    Both my interpersonal skills and leadership have risen.

    2007-04-11 22:58:56 補充:

    I also have ... (打工: work part-time, 英文句子太長的話,切半,搬家,讀起來會比較容易,雖然意思還是沒變)

    In order to increase some opportunites which could benefit my learning, I also worked part-time during every winter and summer vacation.

    2007-04-11 22:59:11 補充:

    I have been service personnel of restaurant and an administrative personnel and a packing personnel in the company. (是餐廳服務生,行政人員,打包人員嗎?希望您能補充中文)(我有做過....工作,可以說I have worked as....,因為是一種經驗,所以用完成式很ok)

    I have worked as ...

    2007-04-11 22:59:21 補充:

    After I graduating, I had done English assistant in the cram school, and a sales personnel. (過去完成式誤用,定冠詞the有指定某一個東西>但是文章中又解讀不到事哪一個補習班,所以用a就可以囉,,,)

    After graduation, I have worked as an English assistant in a cram school and after that, as a salesman (of~有指明賣什麼東西會更明確).

    2007-04-11 22:59:34 補充:

    From these jobs, I have learned to have patience and perseverance. The most important is it has to hard to do every thing.(most important 是形容詞,不能當主詞)

    From those jobs, I learned be patient and persistent. The most important thing was that I should spare no effort to do everything.

    2007-04-11 22:59:52 補充:

    Concerning personality, I am adaptable, independent and get along well. (自己說自己的個性,會不會主觀呢>由別人覺得說,或許比較能接受,其實文法上都對,但是感覺會不一樣,您覺得呢?)

    Concerning my personality, my colleagues and friends consider that I am an adaptable, indepent and aproachable person.

    2007-04-11 23:00:02 補充:

    I like to leaning new thing often.(名詞可數的話,就一定不能讓它什麼都不加>加a加the加s都可以)(like to V, or like Ving文法都對>但是like to Ving就一定不對)

    In addition, I eager to learn new things.(eager語氣更強)

    2007-04-11 23:00:14 補充:

    I think that to be an Assistant International Trading personnel, the most important elements are being active-attituded and self-motivated.(OK)

    I think that to be an assistant of international trade, the most important characteristics are being active, positive and self-motivated.

    2007-04-11 23:00:43 補充:

    I will do my best to do my duty, help my colleagues, and create good working atmosphere. (ok)

    As a member of (您想要應徵的公司名稱), I will do my best to do my duty, help my colleagues, and keep good working atmosphere.

    2007-04-11 23:00:52 補充:

    It will be my pleasure if I have a chance to work for you. (ok)

    It will be my pleasure if I have THE chance to work for you.(這時候又可以用the,因為我知道是哪個機會,就是work for you,有感覺到不一樣嗎?)

    最後 祝您工作面試順利囉 *^^*

    BTW,如果您可以補充科目名稱及工作職務的話

    我能再補充上去的

    • Commenter avatar登入以對解答發表意見
  • 1 0 年前

    my colleagues and friends consider that I am an adaptable, indepent and aproachable person.

    獨立的要用形容詞,independent

    平易近人的英文寫錯了,approachable

    • Commenter avatar登入以對解答發表意見
還有問題?馬上發問,尋求解答。