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請幫我看看這2篇英文作文有哪些地方要修改的

以下有2篇作文,第一篇是常春藤雜誌的,我是照他給的中文下去自己翻譯的。第二篇是考卷的題目,完全是我自己寫的。不知道文中有哪些缺點是我要多加改進或注意的,請各位高手給個意見和評語吧!不論是『太中文式的英文』或是『外國人不常用』...等缺點都可一一舉出...

【一】網路如今已成為人們生活中不可或缺的一環,然而網路雖然便利,卻也有其壞處。請寫一篇文長至少120個單詞的文章,描述你的看法

The drawbacks of the Internet

Nowadays, many people have their own blogs sharing their daily life with thousands of people. Those enjoy chating with friends on instant messaging can stay in the front of computer screen a whole night. At present, it's extremely universal that surf in the Internet for the latest informations. Nevertheless, convenient as the Internet is, it has its own flaws as well.

To cite an instance, you may be linked to a pornographic website having bad effects on teenagers as long as you click an advertisement. Furthermore, it's often reported that some playing online games faint and get sick on account of the irregular habits of life. In addition, the other controversial issue is that the Internet also brings piracy. In consequence, many musicians and singers stand up for their rights owing to the illegal music download. Although the Internet brings us convenience in life, we are supposed to pay attention to theses shortcomings anytime when surfing in the Internet.

已更新項目:

【二】寫一篇至少120個單字的英文作文,題目是''Holidays''〈假日或節日〉。文分兩段:第一段談自己喜不喜歡節日或假日,並談度過節日或假日的方法;第二段談自己最喜歡的一個中國節日及在該節日中一般中國人之活動。

2 個已更新項目:

Not only almost other students but I like holidays. First of all, on account of having much free time, I can relax myself by hiking or mountain-climbing, and going shopping with my friends. Secondly, I can take advantage of the surplus time to read extracurricular books to broaden my horizons.

3 個已更新項目:

Thirdly, I also can work part-time to my tuition and any other my expenditures.

Of all the holidays in Chinese, Mid-autumn festival is the very holiday that I like most. In convention, the day represents reunion. People have many activities in the day.

4 個已更新項目:

For example, people may reunite eating delicious dinner, barbecuing, appreciating a full moon or setting off firecrackers. In the festival of the recent two years, I passed the day by reuniting with my senior high school classmates, and by that we can increase our sincere friendship much more.

5 個已更新項目:

Simultaneously, it's exceedingly significant for us. Only when the special day comes do we have more possibilities to get together again.

2 個解答

評分
  • 1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    陳同學你好,我又來囉 ^_^...我覺得你好認真上進,用功練習,所以應該多花點時間幫你看一看.

    第一篇:

    我先改文法:

    ... blogs sharing their daily lives ... Those who enjoy chatting with friends on instant messengers can stay in the front of a computer screen for a whole night.... extremely universal to surf the Internet for the latest information. Nevertheless, as well as the convenience of the Internet, it still has its flaws.

    他們的生活,所以用複數. Those who...不然你的句子有兩個動詞. 即時通軟體 instant messengers或 instant messaging programs. 維持多長時間 for how long. It is...to V如果你用 that就必須是子句. 瀏覽網路的surf是及物動詞,所以直接 surf the Internet. 資訊沒有複數. 最後一句我看不懂你的英文,但我猜想你要說的是 "如同網路的便利性,他仍然有壞處",並且你應該是想要嘗試變化的句型.建議你先將原始句型寫出來在更動比較不會錯. 其他拼錯或單複數的錯誤請自己前後比較喔!

    ... you may be taken to a pornographic website ... as long as you click on an advertisement. ... some people playing online games... In addition, another controversial issue ...As a result, many musicians ....owing to the illegal music downloading.....anytime when surfing the Internet.

    連結通常是主動的,因為是你自己要到那個地方去.但是如果你想要表現被帶往哪裡,用 be taken to~比較好. click是指按滑鼠的動作,是不及物動詞,所以在某楚處點一下會說 click on~~ some playing online games我看了好久才懂,原來你把 some當作名詞使用,但是這樣很不清楚,因為 some也可以是形容詞,後面的playing可以是動名詞而非分詞,那麼我為以為 some是用來形容 playing這個行為.最好就是寫清楚,一些玩線上遊戲的人.另外一個議題,沒有限定一共幾個議題,所以用another, the other是最後一個剩下來的,也就是不再有其他議題了,所以不恰當. owing to是介係詞,所以後面加名詞, downloading才可以當名詞. 其他的用字等問題請自己比較 ^^

    如你所說這是翻譯,所以就不用針對文章表達的部分著墨,因為文章已經訂好.主要就是你翻譯的功力.這練習非常好,你把大部分的重點都翻對了,但是可以感覺的出有些單字是你查字典找的,要注意的一件事情是,當你查了漢英字典一定會有許多同義字,不要認為選擇比較難的字就是對的,你要針對你可能想要用的那個字,在查過一次英漢字典,看過例句之後才能夠確定這個字怎麼用,不然就很容易使用錯誤或是字義不當.另外就是,有些中文很難用英文表達正確,因為語言不是百分之百對等,所以碰到這種情況,不要硬是把那個中文字翻成英文,先想想中文想要表達什麼樣的意思,然後把這樣的意思翻成英文就可以了.接著我們看作文吧:

    2007-04-24 19:17:44 補充:

    ... I can relax myself by hiking, mountain climbing, or going shopping with my friends. .... take advantage of the time to ....work part-time for my tuition and my any other expenditures.

    mountain climbing不用加橫線,三件事情是可選擇的.作文當中的修辭通常是 a, b, and c..每樣東西都用逗點,最後一個除了逗點在加上連接詞, and是交集, or是連集

    2007-04-24 19:17:57 補充:

    如果你說 a or b and c聽起來很像是 a跟 c或者是 b跟 c,怪怪的.surplus time是指過多的時間,但是放假只是放假,並不是多出來的,一年仍然是365天,利用放假時間就可以了 (利用多出來的時間是中文).為了什麼事情工作 work for~~我其餘的花費要將 my放前面,關於中英文的形容詞順序其實蠻像的,至於書上列出來的形容詞性質順序,恩...很難背.我建議用中文思考就可以.其他的就沒有錯誤了

    2007-04-24 19:18:32 補充:

    Of all the Chinese holidays, Mid-autumn Festival is .... Traditionally, the day represents reunion. ...many activities on the day. ...For example, family members and friends get together enjoying delicious dinner, having a barbecu party, appreciating the full moon, or setting off firecrackers.

    2007-04-24 19:18:57 補充:

    On the festivals of these two years, I spent them reuniting with my ... we can maintain our sincere friendship... Moreover, it works a lot among us....

    中國節日 Chinese holidays, in Chinese是用中文這語言.傳統上,我們用副詞 traditionally就可以,我相信應該也是你查字典之後沒有確認過怎麼使用,記得要有把握才可以寫.在特定的節日我們介係詞用on.

    2007-04-24 19:19:18 補充:

    For example之後為避免太多people,所以改成家人以及朋友,接下來同樣的, a, b, or c.過節或度假我們通常說 spend~, pass是中文!!接下來要說的是友誼,在英文中這種東西有就是有,沒有就是沒有,所以沒有多和少的問題.我知道你要說的是增進友誼,但其實就是讓我們的關係更好 (make our relationship better)或者是像前面改的維繫友誼 (maintain).最後, 我看不懂Simultaneously, it's exceedingly significant for us.是什麼

    2007-04-24 19:19:36 補充:

    Simultaneously是指兩件事情同步發生的那種,你應該是由中文翻譯過來的,要注意了,中文的 "同時" 常常指的是 "而且,此外" 等等的意思.下面的部分我猜你應該是想要說相聚對我們有明顯的功效吧(對於友誼的培養和維護),所以我改成了這樣的句子 it works就是很有效,但我仍然建議這句話如果可以拿掉就拿掉,因為沒有多大意義,而且太口語,不適合寫在文章當中.最後一句很好,你秀了一下倒裝句型,而且沒有錯誤,如果你不希望 get together和前面重複,你可以寫成 to meet one another again

    2007-04-24 19:19:54 補充:

    引導寫作的部分很容易,因為題目會給你提示.跟我記憶中你上次寫的文章,這篇進步很多了.出現的中文式英文比較少, 而且你用的 be動詞句子也少很多.我知道 be動詞很難百分之百避免,但是至少我們能夠寫出動作一定是最好的,並且注意每一段的第一句很重要,我們盡量把它寫的漂亮.

    2007-04-24 19:20:11 補充:

    例如第二段的第一句我們可以寫成:

    Of all the Chinese festivals, I love Mid-autumn Festival most.

    或是你可以多利用插入副詞的方式:

    Of all the Chinese festivals, I, undoubtedly, love Mid-autaum Festival most.

    這樣可以增加你的文句豐富性.如果這整篇作文硬是要挑毛病的話,應該就是句子都太短,過於簡單,你可以多用子句或者是片語來增加句子的難度,並且多利用副詞來增加文章的語氣.跟上次你的自傳一樣,我不會寫範文給你,因為沒有所謂最好的範文,而且這是你必須自己練習的.

    2007-04-24 19:20:19 補充:

    我猜想你應該是在作英檢的練習吧,有翻譯跟引導寫作.希望你繼續練習,你真的進步很多,持之以恆你會寫得更好!! ^^

    參考資料: 給你鼓勵
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