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1. A man and his wife were on a holiday.Theywent for a sail. Unfortunately the wife fell overboard and was drowned. The man asked the pier-master to let him know if her body was found. Two weeks later he received a wire saying: "Body recovered yesterday covered with crabs. Send instructions." The man sent a wire back saying, "Sell crabs, send the money; reset bait.”
2. A little old lady goes to the doctor ... and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent." The doctor says, "I see. Here's a prescription. Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts ... although still silent... stink terribly." The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing."
3. One day Jimmy went down to the pond for a dip, but before he could dive in he spied his teacher, Mrs. Smith, emerging from nude bathing. When Mrs. Smith saw Jimmy, she grabbed the nearest object - which happened to be an old wooden box - and held it in front of her.
"Young man, I know what you're thinking," she said.
"And I know what you're thinking," replied Jimmy. "You're thinking that box has a bottom on it!"
2007-06-05 16:57:38 補充：
4. A father and son snake are out for a nice afternoon slither. The son asks, "Dad，are we poisonous snakes?" The father replies proudly, "Yes son, we are rattler snakes! Why do you ask son?" "Because DAD, I just bit my tongue!!"
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5. Our co-worker went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest. "As long as you're asleep," it read, "you have a job. But as soon as you wake up, you're fired."
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6. A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she‘d like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she‘d like to have it cut into: six or twelve. “Oh, goodness, six please,” said the blonde. “I don‘t think I could ever eat twelve.”
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7. Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!"
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"
2007-06-05 17:01:36 補充：
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8. "So good of you to come, Mr.Jones,and where is your brother?" "You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could come, so we tossed up for it." "How nice!And so original, too! And you won?" "No," said the young man absently,"I lost."
2007-06-05 17:09:45 補充：
五點鐘，下午茶的時間，一個年輕人因為遲到向女主人致歉。 “您能來可真好，鐘斯先生，您的兄弟在哪兒呢？” “您知道我們在辦公室裏有非常忙，我們倆只能來一個，所以就擲幣來決定由誰來。” “太有意思了！還那麼有獨創性！那您贏了？” “不，”年輕人心不在焉地說，“我輸了。”
2007-06-05 17:10:41 補充：
9. Teacher had set his class an essay in "A Game of Cricket". After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: "Rain stopped play."
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10. Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up ..... what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up -- don't you want to go to Heaven? Terry: I can't. My Mum told me to go straight home.
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