ERIC 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

請大家幫忙改一下essay 謝謝

Tell your life experiences, which have a big influence on you

As a common person, I have both positive and negative part such as being independent, polite and arrogant, which are very important and momentous as I went to work, which I needed when I lived in Taiwan, where is my homeland.

I had lived along in Taiwan since I was 13 to 17 years old so I was forced to find a work to take care myself, if not I would probably die. When I went to work, which is really very difficult for a child to do, I made a lot of mistakes such as being impolite, late for job, talking too much and not concentrating on my work, which was not only a cashier but also a attendant. After about tree weeks, I still could not change these bad behaviors, so I started to ask myself why I thought I could handle everything before I went to work. Why I made these mistakes again and again? I had asked myself these questions for a week until I went to ask my boos, who is very nice to me, for the solution. Finally, these problems were solved after his teaching, which is very important for every worker, who needs to have a good commend of service. I still do not know why I cannot change my arrogant temperament anyways.

Everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages. However, I think the most important thing is that I can develop my advantages and improve what I lack.

已更新項目:

"I am used to living in Taiwan a long time since I was 13 to 17 years old, so I was forced to find a work to take care of myself, if not, I would probably die.(這樣我覺得比較通順)" 但是我現在住在美國耶!! 我覺得用 I had lived 比較好!!

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  • 1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    Tell your life experiences which have a big influence on you.

    (which 前加句點會讓人想把"Tell your life experiences"整句誤當which )

    As a common person, I have both positive and negative parts such as being independent, polite and arrogant, which are very important and momentous as I went to work, which I needed when I lived in Taiwan, where is my homeland.

    I am used to living in Taiwan a long time since I was 13 to 17 years old, so I was forced to find a work to take care of myself, if not, I would probably die.(這樣我覺得比較通順) When I went to work to be a cashier as well as a attendant, I made a lot of mistakes such as being impolite, late for job, talking too much and not concentrating on my work. After about tree weeks, I still could not change these bad behaviors, so I started to ask myself why I thought I could handle everything before I went to work and why I made these mistakes again and again? I had asked myself these questions for a week but I didn't get any conclusion. However, after I went to ask my boss(你應該是要講上司吧?)who is very nice to me for the solution, finally, these problems were solved. Also I believed that it is very important for every workers who needs to have a good commend of service. Yet I still do not know why I cannot change my arrogant temperament anyways up to now.

    We all have our own advantages and disadvantages. (however表否定的副詞,你上下承接的兩句與一相輔相成,應用中性的and帶過就好了。), and I think the most important thing is that we can develop our advantages and improve what we lack.(注意不要有主詞跳躍的問題,在此都改成we。)

    你的內容很豐富,

    但如果能注意這兩點相信會有十分顯著的進步喔!

    1.

    你的which使用太頻繁,有時候句子太長該停就停,不妨拆成兩句,比較好懂也比較俐落。

    2.

    你使用重複字的頻率太高,不妨這句用important,下一句就用significant,在下一句用vital。

    2007-07-10 12:06:40 補充:

    哪些錯了?

    參考資料:
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  • 1 0 年前

    ,where is my homeland.

    只要打, my homeland就好了

    I am used to living in Taiwan 是只現在住在台灣 但是我一年前開始就住在美國了 因該打 I used to live in taiwan

    ,who is very nice to me, for the solution {me號面要打逗號}!!

    ...........................................懶得打ㄌ!!

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