lia 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

請問英文高手或老師這作文可得幾分

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還有 這篇有哪裡文法錯誤或不妥的地方

謝謝....

Helping others

Yesterday, I encountered some volunteers to raise funds for victims of earthquake disaster. They held charity boxes on the street, but nobody donated their money for these miserable people. I did have a mercy on them, while my financial condition was in debt.

Last week, I brought newly released i-Pod the most popular around the world. The money was borrowed from my parents; I had to pay for the prince as fast as possible. While thinking of how to make a decision, a girl reached into her wallet to put all of the money in the charity box. This was a dilemma that I was hard to choose from. However, the girl’s good deed gave me a notice and woke up my conscience in my deep mind. I steeped forward and dropped most of money from my wallet.After donating, I saw these volunteers’ grateful smile on their face and

felt my walking steps more and more lightly.

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我沒有英文老師可以問耶

2 個解答

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  • 1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    感覺很不錯耶^^ 大概有15吧 (文法沒錯的話)

    我做文也不太好,幫你改幾個看到錯的地方供你參考喔~

    1. Yesterday, I encountered some volunteers to raise funds for victims of earthquake disaster.

    (1) to raise fund 應該改成 raising fund 用來形容那些志工是在為地震災民募款的。 原句應該是volunteer who are raising fund,who are 省略,就變成 volunteers raising fund...。如果你寫to raise,會讓人覺得你「遇到志工是為了募款」,語意上就不對了。

    (2) for victims of earthquake disaster. 可以在 of 和 earthquake 中間加「the」,因為為地震募款一定是個確定的地震。最好你能寫說為哪個地震募款,這樣會更明確 (Be specific.) for victims of the (國家) earthquake

    2. but nobody donated their money for these miserable people.

    (1)這句會有點邏輯上的錯誤。因為你在文章後半部寫到有一個人捐了錢,但這句卻寫「沒人捐錢」。你可以改成 but at first I didn't see anyone donate money...之類的,你再自己想想看。

    (2) 介係詞錯了。 donate sth. 「to』sb. for要改成to

    3. Last week, I brought newly released i-Pod the most popular around the world. →Last, I 「bought」newly-released i-Pod, the most popular one around the world. 這樣你覺得句子有比較漂亮嗎?

    4. While thinking of how to make a decision, a girl reached into her wallet to put all of the money in the charity box.

    這個句子文法不對喔。這是很常見的錯誤。這個句型很好,不過你前半句while thinking是「你」在thinking,後面那具的主詞必須也是「你」,也就是說前後主詞必須一致。

    →While thinking of how to make a decision, 「I saw」a girl reach into her wallet....

    5. my conscience in my deep mind→deep in my mind 較常見

    6. I steeped forward →I stepping forward 是拼錯了還是不小心打錯了...

    I'm exhausted. 我打了快一個小時....請別人繼續補充吧!!

    Anyway, I'm glad to help. 你寫的蠻好的,不果有些小地方要注意一下。加油囉!!

    2007-08-17 00:59:23 補充:

    作文,還是當面改比較好呀....開學後多問老師吧!!

    參考資料: myself + dictionary
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  • 1 0 年前

    I brought newly released i-Pod the most popular around the world.

    我覺得改成「I brought i-pod which is released recently.............」

    比較好,比較通順〈雖然原本的也可以〉,我建議你找英文老師改,網路的良莠不齊..

    參考資料: 自己
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