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匿名使用者 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

請英文高手幫我評量作文 20點

可否耐心的看完我的作文進行評論

有符合"因果關係"的文章嗎?

文法、時態對不對?

還有可加入哪些連接詞

使句子看起來通暢?

The causes of melancholia

Melancholia has become a social civilization disease now. Most other causes conspired towards the same result. The subject may be viewed form three aspects. The factor of physiology, household of the early years, and a present pressure.

The scholar studies females to easily get Melancholia than males, because they physiology live through menstruation, conception and menopause. It also makes the body changed, and does not adapt to new situation. It makes the emotion risen and fallen greatly. In addition, some patients whom suffer with the disease, they do not want to add to the family's burden. So they are go toward a bad direction to think. It makes mood low to fall. These maybe cause an atrabilious arrival.

Their parents divorced since their childhood, or the family was out of harmony. It made the mental state had shadow, lacked confident in one's own strength, and the personality became very introverted. They dare not to communicate their opinion. They start accounted for the communication of others' badly. Their heart feeling " In fact you don't understand my heart" of in the atmosphere. Last, sufferers condition get vicious cycle.

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When human faces a great pressure of work, unemployed, or broken heart. It make to do what things all not favoring, again and again appear languid be disgusted with a

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food as the body, suffer from insomnia, work inefficiency, lack of patience, plus without the realistic feeling, be placed in breakup appearance. If they have all of a period of times, they will consult a specialized doctor.

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In my opinion, if you meet someone had this kind of condition, you would not want to do intentionally what action, also do not have too above standard and expectation to them. They should try hard to adapt themselves to life.

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Do not say, either some encourage too much, on the contrary will deepen their pressure. The pure keeps company with them. You should lat them to know you are active support and deep concern about them forever.

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哈~謝謝妳~西門夏雪

最後一段寫到最後真的不知如何結尾,

文法自已也覺得怪怪的

我改了很多遍了!

文法還是很不好

要是用我原來的這遍被老師評量

一定會很遭糕的....

謝謝你^ ^

6 個已更新項目:

請問妳是如何加強妳的文法呀!

我覺得妳真的很強耶!

很佩服妳

可以跟我談論你的閱讀英文的方法嗎?

謝謝!!^ ^

7 個已更新項目:

這是我們老師要求我們要使用"搭配辭典"裡的片語及句子放入文章裡利用,

我覺得"搭配辭典"讓文章看起來更加的有深度

不在是簡單的單字在運用

我現在很努力的學英文中...

8 個已更新項目:

謝謝你!!!讓我受益良多!!

1 個解答

評分
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    Lv 4
    1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    The causes of melancholia

    Melancholia has became a social civilization disease now. Most causes conspire towards the same results. The subject may be viewed form three aspects: the factors of physiology, household from the early years, and a present pressure.

    The scholars study females that they can get Melancholia easier than males because their physiologies live through the menstruation, conception and menopause. It also makes the body change, and cannot easily adapt to a new condition. It exacerbates the emotion or diminishes greatly. In addition, some patients who suffer the disease do not want to be the family's burden, so they will have bad thoughts which make them become depressed. Those reasons may cause an atrabilious melancholia.

    Parents are divorced or the family was out of harmony since somone's childhood may leave a person's mental state with a shadow, lack of confidence in one's own strength, or the personality became very introverted. They dare not to communicate to others with their opinion, and they will start accounted the communication of others are bad. Their theories reveals " In fact, you won't understand my mind." Eventually, sufferers' condition move in a vicious cycle.

    When people are under a great pressure of work, unemployment or broken heart, they do things that are repugnant, languid and disgusted.They will suffer insomnia, work inefficiency, lack of patience, no realistic feeling, or placed in breakup. If they have spare times, they will have to consult with a specialized doctor.

    In my opinion, if you meet some people who stay in this kind of condition, you will not intent to test them in action nor expect them to do things that are above the standard. They should try hard to adapt themselves to reality. If they are excessively encouraged, their pressure will increase. The ones pure will have to keep them in company. You should assure them that you are actively supporting and have a profound concern about them forever.

    2008-04-14 03:51:19 補充:

    字數超過 所以評論就等一下

    2008-04-14 03:57:24 補充:

    評論 : 錯誤不少 各種類型的錯誤都有 不是一兩個字可以解決的 所以我就把它

    改好在上面了 你的文筆不錯 單字用的都蠻好的 在這英文的問答部分是蠻少見

    的 沒有要打擊你的意思 但是好像到了越結尾的部分就越馬虎 感覺不像同一個

    人寫的 文法錯誤還可以諒解 但是有不少結尾的部分都讓人看不太懂 最後 因

    果關係 就要看你的指導者怎麼說了 個人是覺得還可以 因為至少你有用到

    and 和 because

    2008-04-14 23:35:46 補充:

    你的文章寫得很流暢 就是說上下文接的很順 開頭和結尾本來就不容易 然而要

    加強的部分就只有文法了 還有一點要注意 在寫這種文章時盡量用第三人稱

    這是寫文章的基本條件之一 in my opinion 不適合用在這種文章裡

    2008-04-16 00:47:18 補充:

    我是留學生 天天接觸英文 每一個科目的書都很厚 英文其實也沒辦法差到哪裡

    去 但是應該還是沒有托福的程度 有點變成在發牢騷了 然後 我的文法 我想應

    該是我的外國家教在訂正我的英文文章之後 自己也知道文法錯誤的地方有哪些

    久而久之就有一種文法的直覺吧 字彙也增加不少 然後在學校又有特別教文法

    所以... 不管怎樣 我也是對你"搭配辭典"的方法感到蠻驚訝的 想當初 我搭配辭

    典來寫文章 因為中文翻譯的關係 結果很多字都用錯意思 挺佩服的你大部分的

    用字都是對的

    參考資料: 自己
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