Una 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

請幫我改作文A Horrible Experinece

A Horrible Experience

A haunted house is the most scary place in the world. When I was young, I thought haunted house was nothing but a childish place which could only scare timid kids. But I found out I was definitely wrong last summer vacation. I went to Universal Studios, located in California. Following with my friends, I stepped into a dark, dim light house with a creepy song broadcasting, where was lined up with crowded people. Actually, I didn’t figure out where I was until I saw a huge poster of Chucky holding a knife in his hand hung up on the wall. “I am not afraid of it at all” I murmured to my self. Then we kept chatting and moving forward. Finally, it was our turn to get in the real haunted house, a maze, where was too dark for me to see my own hands. The atmosphere became wired all of a sudden. We jostled because no one would like to be the one left behind. It seemed that there would be a crooked finger touched on my shoulder. It was my first time to scream loudly with strong heart-beating and hand-sweating. “Bang” A vampire dropped off from the top of the tunnel. Then we ran as the high decibel voice vibrated far behind us. I wanted to get out of here as quickly as I could. Where was the exit? However I didn’t see it. A stair was in front of us connected to another tunnel. Then we rushed to it, ran through the tunnel. It was a laboratory.

請幫我修正文法,還有覺得很怪的地方請告訴我,謝謝!

我還沒寫完,我等一下再把我下面的po上來,可以麻煩先幫我修改嗎?如有離題請告知。謝謝

2 個解答

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  • Wen
    Lv 5
    1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    其實你寫得很好了!對自己要有信心,不要被别人影响,反而越改越錯哦!

    下面幾点供你参考:

    1. But I found out I was definitely wrong last summer vacation.

    改爲:I found out I was definitely wrong last summer.

    But 不可做爲單獨的句型。你可把“but”去掉,或是改爲“...timid kids, but I found out... ”与前句合而爲一。

    last summer vacation 改爲 during last summer vacation。或拿掉vacation, 直接寫成 ”last summer“。

    2. Following with my friends, I stepped into a dark, dim light house with a creepy song broadcasting, where was lined up with crowded people.

    改爲 :Following my friends, I stepped into a dimly lighted house lined up with a big crowd, with creepy music playing in the background.

    follow 後直接 受詞。

    dark 或是 dimly lighted (不是 dim light。)不同,二選一就好。

    song 指歌,music 指音樂。

    不能說 crowded people. crowded 是用來形容地方的。

    3. “I am not afraid of it at all” I murmured to my self.

    改爲:“I am not afraid of it at all,” I murmured to myself.

    注意引号内的標点。

    myself 是一個字。

    4. Then we kept chatting and moving forward. Finally, it was our turn to get in the real haunted house, a maze, where was too dark for me to see my own hands.

    改爲:We kept chatting and moving forward. Finally, it was our turn to get in the haunted house. It was like a maze, where it was too dark for me to see my own hands.

    Then 不適合做獨立句首。

    第二句過長。

    子句缺主詞。

    (下續)

    2008-08-03 01:29:56 補充:

    因空間不足,以下不再引原文。

    5. 改爲:Suddenly I felt what could be a crooked finger touching my shoulder. It was my first time to scream loudly in cold sweat, with heart leaping into my throat.

    2008-08-03 01:30:44 補充:

    6. 改爲: “Bang!” A vampire dropped off from the top of the tunnel. We ran as the high decibel voice vibrating far behind us.

    2008-08-03 01:31:22 補充:

    7. 改爲:I wanted to get out of there as quickly as I could. Where was the exit? I couldn't find it. However a stair was in front of us connecting to another tunnel. We rushed to it, and ran through the tunnel. It was a laboratory.

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  • 1 0 年前

    1.

    A haunted house is the most scary place in the world.

    scarying

    2.Following with my friends, I stepped into a dark house with dim lig

    ht and a creepy song broadcasting, where was lined up with crowded

    people.

    3.Actually, I didn’t figure out where I was until I saw a huge poster

    of Chucky holding a knife in his hand hung up on the wall.

    hanging

    4.“I am not afraid of it at all” I murmured to my self.

    at all.”,I murmured to myself

    5.We jostled because no one would like to be the one left behind.

    the first one.

    6.It seemed that there would be a crooked finger touched on my shoul

    there was a crooked finger touching on

    der.

    7.It was my first time to scream loudly with strong heart-beating and h

    high

    and-sweating.

    2008-08-02 21:47:07 補充:

    你在加我的msn吧

    gb171101177@hotmail.com

    2008-08-03 12:25:18 補充:

    4..“I am not afraid of it at all,” I murmured to myself.

    2008-08-03 12:29:03 補充:

    1.scary place = scarying place

    4.hung up = hanging up

    6.finger touched on = finger touching on

    7.strong heart-beating = high

    2008-08-03 12:38:03 補充:

    不要隨便相信怪叔叔@@

    參考資料: me
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