匿名使用者
匿名使用者 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

請幫我修改英文自傳~20點

My name is XXX. I am twenty-three years old. I live in Taipei County . I graduated from XX學校 department of Accounting Information. My personality is easygoing and easy to get along with others, for sure I am responsible as well. My interests include playing basketball, reading, and traveling.

I like learning. I learned by joining different contests. For example, I’m not good at drawing, but I have good ideas. Therefore, I’m to win a first prize of anniversary celebrations of my college Logo design. Our department Logo is designed by me, too. In addition, I’m to gain a second prize of personal financial planning. That’s because before I want to do something, I will to plan first.

When I got a job in Ikari coffee shop, I learned one thing that I think it’s the most important, it’s the team work. You have to do your job well and on time, otherwise you will delay team’s schedule. When I was a home teacher, it’s hard to control the children, you have to let them like you, but you can’t let them ignored you. It makes me patient. I believe these experiences could help me to do the auditor well.

I am really looking forward to be an auditor. It can widen my views and let me learn a lot of professional knowledge. In the future, I intend to be an auditor for three years at least. Maybe, it will be my lifelong enterprise. If I have the pleasure to join your team, I will do my best to get on track at work as soon as possible.

我的連接詞很弱,所以請高手幫我修改一下吧!

如果有文法錯誤或不順的地方也請指正,謝謝

已更新項目:

是已經贏了 所以文法應該不太對~"~

1 個解答

評分
  • 1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    請問文中" I am to win......." 是要去贏,還是已經瀛了?

    2008-10-15 14:46:48 補充:

    My name is XXX, I am twenty-three years old, I live in Taipei County, I graduated from XX學校(,) (majoring in) Accounting Information, my personality is easygoing and easy to get along with others, (it is certain that) I am responsible as well, my interests include playing basketball, reading(,去除) and traveling.

    I like learning (and had) learned (from) joining different contests, for example, I’m not good at drawing, but I (always) have good ideas (in my mind), (which makes me win) a first (award, 比prize 合適,後者較偏向於獎品) of Logo design (contest in my college anniversary celebration), (and ) our department(’s) Logo (was) designed by me, too, In addition, I (gained) a second (award) of personal financial planning, that’s because before I (doing) something, I (always) plan (it) first.

    When I (worked for, got a job in語意上不很正確,因意思是在得到工作的當時,學到某件事,應是在工作時) Ikari coffee shop, I (realized) one thing (is) the most important (簡化文句), (which is) the team work, (and the key point is that ) you have to (deal with) your job well and on time, otherwise (it,應是你的工作影響了團隊進度) will (affect and) delay team’s schedule, when I was a (tutor), (the hard job for me is administering) the children, you have to (make) them like you, but (never) let them ignored you, (this acknowledgement ) makes me (more) patient, (and) I believe these experiences could help me to (be,做為何種人,用be) (an) auditor well.

    (此段內容非非常順暢,故予修改,使各句語氣相連結)

    I am really looking forward to be an auditor. It can widen my views and let me learn a lot of professional knowledge. In the future, I intend to be an auditor for three years at least, maybe, it will (become) my lifelong (career,enterprise 通常指公司、企業). if I have the (honor, pleasure 是高興的意思,honor則是榮幸) to join your team, I will do my best to get on track at work (and devote my efforts as possible as I can).

    2008-10-15 14:47:14 補充:

    My name is XXX, I am twenty-three years old, I live in Taipei County, I graduated from XX學校, majoring in Accounting Information, my personality is easygoing and easy to get along with others, it is certain that I am responsible as well, my interests include playing basketball, reading and traveling.

    2008-10-15 14:49:11 補充:

    I like learning and had learned from joining different contests, for example, I’m not good at drawing, but I always have good ideas in my mind, which makes me win a first award of Logo design contest in my college anniversary celebration,

    2008-10-15 14:49:52 補充:

    and our department’s Logo was designed by me, too, In addition, I gained a second award of personal financial planning, that’s because before I doing something, I always plan it first.

    2008-10-15 14:50:50 補充:

    When I worked for Ikari coffee shop, I realized one thing is the most important, which is the team work, and the key point is that you have to deal with your job well and on time, otherwise it will affect and delay team’s schedule, when I was a tutor,

    2008-10-15 14:51:03 補充:

    the hard job for me is administering the children, you have to make them like you, but never let them ignored you, this acknowledgement makes me more patient, and I believe these experiences could help me to be an auditor well.

    2008-10-15 14:51:33 補充:

    I am really looking forward to be an auditor. It can widen my views and let me learn a lot of professional knowledge. In the future, I intend to be an auditor for three years at least, maybe,

    2008-10-15 14:51:41 補充:

    it will become my lifelong career, if I have the honor, to join your team, I will do my best to get on track at work and devote my efforts as possible as I can.

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