jerry 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

請幫我看一下我的文章哪裡有錯! 幫我改一下 謝謝

最重要的是文法!

因該錯不少!

請幫我改改謝謝

There are many kinds of people lives in the U.S.A. In order to survive in the society, they must get jobs and earn the money; otherwise, they may not survive; however, I will choose a high paying job that doesn’t interest me, Instead of lower paying job with interest, because has a high paying job can help the family, help the society and help the children who are going to die of hunger.

Earning more money is the easiest way for you and your families survive in the world. For example, everyone needs to have insurance in order to drive a car; consequently, you need to have insurance to survive in the world which means to have lots of money and make sure this money is only uses for the family when they are in danger.

The second reason to choose a high paying job that doesn’t interest instead of a lower paying job of interest is that can help the society. For example, you get pay more money from the company and you need to pay more tax to the government; therefore, chooses a high paying job can help the society and help your country.

My opponents think that chooses a lower paying job with interest Is better than a high paying job that doesn’t interest is because they don’t want to be distressing about the job and they want their life to become easy and happy. While it is true these people want to have a easier life and never being distressed about their job, those people are too selfish, because they only want to become happy and they would never thought everyday a child dies of hunger. However, chooses a high paying job that doesn’t interest you can help those children survive in the world. For example, when you earn a lot of money from your job, you can donate the money to them or even thought you are not donating the money, the government may use the tax from your job to help those children who are going to die of hunger.

已更新項目:

Everyone should choose a high paying job that doesn’t interest, even though it might be distressed but it is the only ways to help the family, help the society and help the children who are going to die of hunger.

漏了一段

2 個已更新項目:

謝謝你!!!

一點點牛頭不對馬尾?

哪裡?

你改完了還是牛頭不對馬尾?

4 個解答

評分
  • 迎曦
    Lv 6
    1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    我套紅字表示你錯誤的地方要改,下面會用中文解釋.....

    【你的原文】There are many kinds of people lives in the U. S.A. In order to survive in the society, they must get jobs and earn the money; otherwise, they may not survive; however, I will choose a high paying job that doesn’t interest me, Instead of lower paying job with interest, because has a high paying job can help the family, help the society and help the children who are going to die of hunger.

    1. 主詞是複數,動詞 live 不加 s。

    2. otherwise, they may not survive 這句話可以不要寫。

    3. 這句可以用「寧願.....還不如.....」( would rather .... than ..... ) 的句型來寫:They would rather choose a high paying job but not interesting than a interesting but lower paying one.

    注意你是寫「他們」,不要用「我」。

    用 but 來連接比較有轉折的感覺。

    前後同樣是 job,後者用 one 來代替。

    4. 善用「前者 ( the former )」、「後者 ( the latter )」可以簡化文章的繁瑣,中文文章也是一樣。

    這句話可以簡化寫成:because the former can be able to feed their family. 即可,後面不必太囉唆,因為想要薪水高的第一個目的就是為了「家庭」,以後才會想到做其他的事情。

    建議用 feed 這個字,它有「撫養」的意思。

    我把這段重整一下:

    There are many kinds of people live in the U.S.A. In order to survive in the society, they must get jobs and earn the money. however, They would rather choose a high paying job but not interesting than a interesting but lower paying one. Because the former can be able to feed their family.

    2008-11-17 14:55:41 補充:

    【你的原文第二段】

    1. 第一句應該寫「擁有足夠的錢才能使你和你家人滿足進一步的生活所需」比較好。

    所以改成:Owning affordable money is able to make you and your family content with the further necessities of life.

    affordable 負擔得起的

    content with 使滿足

    further 進一步的

    necessities of life生活所需。

    2008-11-17 14:56:07 補充:

    2. For example, everyone needs insurances. 即可,不要再加 have。後面in order to drive a car 不必寫,因為保險一詞可以泛指生活中各類的保險,不是只有車險、意外險而已。

    建議用 such as the insurances 比較洗鍊一點。

    2008-11-17 14:56:54 補充:

    3. 末句應該寫「意謂著保險公司能提供大筆的金錢來讓你應付突發狀況,同時還可以受益你的家人。」

    前面再加上一句:If you have affordable money to buy insurances, .....

    2008-11-17 14:57:46 補充:

    所以改成:If you have affordable money to buy insurances, which means the insurance companies will provide a great amount of money for you to deal with all of your sudden. Moreover, you also can benefit your family greatly by insurances.

    2008-11-17 14:58:14 補充:

    前面已有「保險」這個字,用逗點加關係代名詞 which 連接即可。

    amount 數量

    deal with 處理

    sudden 突發的事、狀況

    benefit 受益於

    by 由...獲得益處

    2008-11-17 14:59:13 補充:

    我把這段重整一下:

    Owning affordable money is able to make you and your family content with the further necessities of life, such as the insurance.

    2008-11-17 14:59:26 補充:

    If you have affordable money to buy insurance, which means the insurance companies will provide a great amount of money for you to deal with all of your sudden. Moreover, you also can benefit your family greatly by insurance.

    2008-11-17 15:01:10 補充:

    【第三段】

    你這段的思考邏輯不太對唷!因為一般人做薪水高的工作,並不會想要為政府繳更多的稅,反而會設法少繳一點稅,甚至非法逃漏稅。這並不是缺德,而是大家寧願捐善款做公益,也不願繳稅,如果以心理學來說,應該是繳稅是義務 ( 一定要做的 ),而捐獻是樂意的,所以繳稅有負擔,而捐獻很快樂。也許你將來出社會賺錢了就能體會囉!如果改成「做薪水高的工作可以有能力捐更多的善款做公益」,還比較貼切一點。

    但我建議這整段可以刪掉不用寫,因為前面都是寫「現實面」,這裡突然插進一段「精神面」會感覺怪怪的。

    2008-11-17 15:02:15 補充:

    【第四段】

    這段邏輯也很怪!並不是說想做薪水低但快樂的工作就是自私自利,因為你不管薪水多少,都是可以捐獻的,收入少就捐少一點,收入多就捐多一點,只要是捐能力範圍內的錢都是一樣的功德,沒有分功德大小,不是有一句俗語說「億萬元不嫌多,一毛錢不嫌少」嗎?

    而且還有一個觀念,薪水低但快樂的工作也是「工作」,如果沒人要做,社會不就停擺了嗎?比如農夫就是薪水低但快樂的工作,如果沒人做農夫,整個世界就沒有糧食了,大家都會餓死。所以不能說「想做薪水低但快樂的工作就是自私自利」。

    2008-11-17 15:03:31 補充:

    所以我建議你後面兩段一定要「全部改寫」,否則文章意境會很怪唷!

    我不知你的作文題目是什麼,所以不能幫你提供要改寫什麼,以免偏離題目。

    你自己改寫之後,再PO上來我幫你看看,並記得要寫出你的「作文題目」^^

    參考資料: , 有字數限制真麻煩,剪貼成這樣希望你能看得懂^^
  • 1 0 年前

    劃底線處為修正處

    There are many kinds of people live in the U.S.A., in order to survive in the society, they must get jobs and earn money; otherwise, they may not keep their lives; however, I will choose a high pay job that doesn’t interest me instead of a lower pay job with interest, because if I have a high pay job, I will have ability to help my family, the society and the children who are going to die of hunger.

    Earning more money is the easiest way for you and your family to survive in the world, just like everyone needs an insurance for drive; you need money to survive in the world, which means that you have enough money to help the family when they are in need.

    The second reason is choosing a high pay job without interest instead of a lower pay but interesting job can helps the society, because you get more pay from the company , then you should pay more tax to the government; and the tax will be used to offer services to the people, therefore, choosing a high pay job can helps the society and the country.

    My opponents think that choosing a lower pay job with interest is better than a high pay job without interest, because they don’t want to be distressed about the job and they want their lives to become easy and happy, but it is too selfish that people want to have an easier lives and avoid being distressed about their job, because they only want to become happy but they never thought that there are children die of hunger everyday. However, choosing a high pay job that isn’t interesting to you can helps those children survive in the world, because if you earn a lot of money from your job, you can donate the money to them or the government will use the tax from you to help those children who are going to die of hunger.

    Everyone should choose a high pay job that maybe not interesting at all even distressing, because it is the best way to help the family, the society and the children who are going to die of hunger.

    2008-11-17 16:39:20 補充:

    1.高薪工作 high pay job

    2. earn money , 通常錢是非限定物,不應加the

    3.勿重複多過的 survive 、for example。

    4.就像開車需要買保險一樣,我們有足夠的錢可.........., 以保險來做比喻,錢非真保險事項,文字直述它本身的功用即可,不必說它是保險,再說明用途。

    2008-11-17 16:39:35 補充:

    5.job doesn.t interest me , job with interst 重複太多次,改略加改變,以免產生繞口令的效果。

    6.選擇高薪工作可.............` Choose a high pay job can..............., 於此 應是主詞+動詞can的句型,choose a high pay job 是一項動作,不可當作主詞,主詞須為名詞或是動名詞或分詞構句,choose 加 ing 成 Choosing a high pay job 為分詞構句即可成為can的主詞。

    2008-11-17 16:41:13 補充:

    7.其它有些部分,我將它們改寫,簡化文字。

    2008-11-17 16:53:28 補充:

    8.最後一段 the only way 幫助家庭、社會、國家唯一的方法,不是適當的陳述,錢非唯一有用的,如許多人去從事義工工作,他們不是出錢,但提供出時間及勞務也是非常有幫助的。

  • rman n
    Lv 4
    1 0 年前

    1.There are many kinds of people LIVING in the U.S.A

    2.Earning more money is the easiest way for you and your families TO survive in the world.

    3.For example, everyone needs to have insurance (in order,這可省略) to drive a car.

    4.which means to have lots of money and make sure this money is only FOR USE OF the family when they are in danger.

    5.For example, you get PAID more money (or HIGHER PAY) from the company

    6.therefore, CHOOSING a high paying job can help the society and help your country.

    7.My opponents think that CHOOSING a lower paying job with interest ( is!!!) better than a high paying job that doesn’t interest THEM.

    (The reason is that) they don’t want to be DISTRESSED BY the job and they want their LIVES to become (or BE) easy and happy.

    8.because they only want to become (BE) happy and they would never thought OF child DYING of hunger EVERYDAY.

    9.However, CHOOSING a high paying job that doesn’t interest you can help those children TO survive in the world

    10.even though it might be STRESSFUL but it is the only WAY to help the family, help the society and help the children who are going to die of hunger.

    11.建議: A job dose not interest you= a job you don't like , 比較容易說.

    我盡量不改太多,只改主要的語法錯誤. 總體而言,還OK

    參考資料: me
  • 1 0 年前

    There are many kinds of people live in the United States. In order to survive in the society, they must get jobs and earn the money, otherwise, they may not survive. I will choose a high paying job that doesn't interest me instead of lower paying job with interest, because has a high paying job can help the family, society, and the children who are going to die of hunger.

    Earning more money is the easiest way for you and your families to survive in the world. For example, everyone needs to have insurance in order to drive a car; consequently, you need to have insurance to survive in the world, which means having lots of money and making sure this money is only used for the family when its necessary.

    The second reason to choose a high paying job that doesn't interest me is that it can help the society. For example, you get pay more money from the company and you need to pay more tax to the government; therefore, choosing a high paying job can help the society and help our country.

    My opponents thinks that choosing a lower paying job with interest iss better than a high paying job that doesn't interest them is because they don’t want to be distressing about the job and they want their life to become easy and happy. While it is true that these people want to have a easier life and never being distressed about their job, those people are too selfish, because they only want to become happy and they would never thought everyday a child dies of hunger. However, chooses a high paying job that doesn't interest you can help those children survive in the world. For example, when you earn a lot of money from your job, you can donate the money to them or you will need to pay more and use it for those children who are going to die of hunger.

    2008-11-17 12:42:09 補充:

    Everyone should choose a high paying job that doesn't interest him or her, even though it might be distressed but it is the only way to help the family, the society, and the children who are dying of hunger.

    2008-11-17 12:42:28 補充:

    因為有一點點牛頭不對馬尾

    我就改文法而已

    2008-11-17 12:42:44 補充:

    字數超過 = = 要一直補充啊...

    參考資料: 人在美國
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