匿名使用者
匿名使用者 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

檢查兩小段英文!感謝:D - 20

請幫我check gramma, expression

某些地方不知如何表達所以隨便亂寫XD

若有看不懂的請補充問我喔!

This novel, On a Good Day Deborah Burnside, follows a 15-year-old girl Lee, who is constantly moving house, whenever her mother loses her job or breaks up current boyfriend. For once, Lee would like to stay in the same place, make permanent friends and live a normal life. This time, they move again and there comes new people influencing Lee's life.

Helena, Lee's mother, is one of the most influential people to Lee. At the beginning of the story, Lee Oliver and her out-of-control alcoholic mother have a negative relationship. Helena doesn’t fulfill her duty of being a mother in a family. Therefore Lee has to bring up the heavy burden of taking care of her mother and herself. Lee has to help Helena when she gets drunk, tidying up and picking up the bottles. However, things always change as time goes by. Lee’s mother starts going to Alcoholic Anonymous which is an organization for people who want to abstain from drinking, Eventually, with Lee’s supporting, Helena is success, the relationship between them also gets well as they support each other. In spite fo being so hard-going all the way long, it makes Lee grow and more mature.

謝謝大家^^

已更新項目:

這裡還有文章後半段:

http://tw.knowledge.yahoo.com/question/question?qi...

有興趣的高手也請幫我批改一下吧XD

2 個已更新項目:

嗨! Howard 感謝您的建議!

只是沒有中文原稿耶

因為原稿是英文的,就是這篇XD

還有我寫這篇文章沒用到字典點說

老師希望我寫simple一點,不要大字

所以我都用最基本的字眼 :P

如果OK的話,可以請你幫我挑出你所謂的"字典字"嗎

我再做修改 =D!!

不會冒犯到我啦^^ 很謝謝你喔!

3 個已更新項目:

作者是 Deborah Durnside

但不出名,網路上資料好像不多:P

4 個已更新項目:

To smith:

謝謝回答喔:D

我有參考你的部分建議做了修改

還有這本書是同步進行的,所以我的review用現在式啦^^

3 個解答

評分
  • 1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    您好,首先我想請問這本小說的作者是?

    由於這是"讀後文" 因此有百分之百的必要提上作者。

    其次,我想請問您是否有中文原稿?

    如果有的話PO上我更可以直接修改為較貼切的文章。

    您的文章中夾雜"字典字"。意思是說有些字的中文意思或許是您要的,但在英文卻是很少人用的。這點我在國外教課常常會遇見。

    希望以上這些字句沒冒犯到您。

    2009-05-13 16:13:24 補充:

    恩,那我直接替你做修改,讓你比較不同之處。另外,特別告知一下,你用現在式是完全正確的。而下面那位,述我冒犯,先不論台灣人的時態困擾,有受過訓練的必須要知道"review"如針對"文學"方面,必須要用現在式,這是規定。

    2009-05-13 16:14:11 補充:

    回歸。您開頭的"This novel"似乎多餘,因為若提及書名及作者,相信閱讀者可想知之。

    改為: Deborah Durnside's On a Good Day Deborah Burnside depicts Lee Oliver's great struggle with her mother, Helena. As a 15 years old gril, Lee moves frequently because her mother loses jobs and breaks up with her current boyfriend.

    2009-05-13 16:14:38 補充:

    (搬家不用move house...這樣真的就是"搬"動"家"了...) Lee hopes to stay in the same place, make permanent friends and live in a normal life. (would like的強烈度太低,請避免使用)

    2009-05-13 16:15:09 補充:

    [This time, they move again and there comes new people influencing Lee's life.]

    這句我有些疑問。您突然跳出"This time" 是指甚麼時候呢? 還是是從中文直接翻過去的"這次"呢...? 我建議點出在哪一年,或是Lee幾歲的時候搬的,會較為恰當。畢竟您一開始都在講"大畫面"。這句我先保留,等待您的資料補充。

    2009-05-13 16:15:31 補充:

    Lee's mother, Helena, is one of the most influential people to Lee because..... (在這我把開頭次序調換原因是你兩段一二段沒有"transition"(連接),因此你用主角明開頭還是比較恰當。 後面我放because是因為,接下來的那一句完全沒解釋為什麼他有很大的影響。邏輯是不恰當的。

    2009-05-13 16:15:52 補充:

    At the beginning of the story, Lee doesn't get along with her alcoholic mother. (通常我們不會用negative relationship..不是不對,而是很少人這樣用。out of control 為多餘。)

    2009-05-13 16:16:08 補充:

    Because of Helena's irresponsibility, Lee has to take over her mother's duty and take care of her family. (在這我把你前後句直接縮為一句。記住,好的文章不是字多,而是精簡! bring up burden..這也是很少人會這樣用的。)

    2009-05-13 16:16:26 補充:

    Lee usually cleans up all the bottles and mess when Helena gets drunk. (tidy up也是很少人會用的。)

    2009-05-13 16:16:42 補充:

    However, their relationship becomes better when Helena decides to go to Alcoholic Anonymous where people receive help with quiting drinking.

    (我刪掉前面那一句是因為不符合故事邏輯,且偏向中文寫法。情況改變通常是有所影響。尤其是"小說"情節。Alcoholic Anonymous的解是過於冗長,且戒掉某個東西用quit最為適當,如:quit smoking。)

    2009-05-13 16:17:40 補充:

    Also, Lee fully supports Helena's change. (我補加這句是因為您的原句前後文不一。Eventually後才提到Lee的支持是不合時間邏輯的。)

    Eventually, Helena succeeds in quiting drinking.

    (我不放入下一句的原因是因為前面已經提過"他們個關係漸漸變好,再提就會是多餘了)

    2009-05-13 16:18:04 補充:

    Going through all the obstacles, Lee grows a lot and becomes much more mature. (直接換開頭,原因是用詞不對...)

    改到這,相信您會發現,分量大大縮減。 記住,好的文章不是字多,而是精簡且有邏輯。我做的修改有可能不合您的意,但相信有一定的根據。可以採用也可只做參考^^

    2009-05-13 16:18:20 補充:

    特別提醒,(強調不是攻擊) 下面那位的文章我大慨看過後,發現比您的原文有更多地方要改。時態,文法,甚至有些更換過後的字更為冗長。想信您可以比較的出來。

    P.S. 有提到"不常用" 是指我在加州教學,且幾乎很少在這被用的辭語。

    希望以上修改對您有所幫助。如有任何問題煩請指教。^^ (如有錯字煩請見諒)

    學習,是為了開拓更多未知領域。 加油!!

    參考資料: , 自己的留學小腦袋, 自己的留學小腦袋, 自己的留學小腦袋, 自己的留學小腦袋, 自己的留學小腦袋, 自己的留學小腦袋, 自己的留學小腦袋, 自己的留學小腦袋, 自己的留學小腦袋, 自己的留學小腦袋, 自己的留學小腦袋, 自己的留學小腦袋
  • 匿名使用者
    6 年前

    到下面的網址看看吧

    ▶▶http://qoozoo09260.pixnet.net/blog

  • 匿名使用者
    1 0 年前

    哇! 抱歉讓這則問題不小心過期了...

    兩位熱心的回答者不好意思><

    竟然還沒有討論完就結束了...

    還是非常感謝你們兩位的幫忙喔 :D

還有問題?馬上發問,尋求解答。