? 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

(急)尋求英文高手修改英文自傳(1)><(20點)

如題..請求英文高手幫忙我修正&quot;英文自傳&quot;..我的英文實在有點破@@

內容太多 我分成兩篇來貼唷~感謝了!!

  I am xxx, a twenty four years old girl. My chinese name is 中文名, and Evonne is my English name. I live in Chiayi City, and I spent most of my childhood and school years there. I grow up in a warm family. There are six people in my family, including my grand parents, parents, one older brother and me. My grandparents who are so kind teach me a lot of things about our traditional customs in Taiwan . I think that is very interesting and remarkable for every citizen of Taiwan. My father works in taiwan power company and my mother works in an accountancy corporation, my brothers is a student at National Chiayi University. My parents have trained me to be independent since I was a child. I have a happy family with open-minded parents and a life with affluent materials. My parents never forces me to do things I do not like, they gives me freedom of choice. That is why I can join so many school activities and have the chance to develop my hobbies. When we have a holiday, I will go aboard with my parents. I had ever been to many contries, such as America, Australia, China.I must say I am lucky to have such a happy family. As to my personality, I am creative, optimistic, determined, willing to help others and down to earth. I always tell myself to read hard to show solicitude for the parents pain, therefore, I have got reality and responsible characters.

  When I was a student, I always studied hard at school. Besides texts knowledge, computer is my favorite subject, whenever studying Language, my heart is filled with great joy and interesting. I graduated from xx大學of Graduate Institute of xx科系 this year, so I gained an understanding of what can help the information and computer education most. I have great interest in computer. I have played with computer for almost seven years. I know how to set up a website and make flash animations. The e-commerce has changed our traditional lifestyle.

1 個解答

評分
  • Jane
    Lv 5
    1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    I am xxx[可能改成My name is xxx會稍好一點], a [twenty-four-year-old] girl. My [Chinese] name is 中文名[請問你是打算打中文嗎?如果是要申請學校,我會建議不要有這一句,因為你第一句的I am xxx基本上就是中文名字的翻譯了] , and Evonne is my English name. I [grew up] in Chiayi City, Taiwan. [如果是申請國外的學校,最好加一下,因為不是全世界都知道嘉義在台灣,另外,這邊用grow up比較常見,他們就會自動知道你的童年和學校多半在這] I [was raised] in a warm family. There are six people in my family, including my [grandparents], parents, one older brother and me. My grandparents [had always been] kind [in teaching me a lot about] customs in Taiwan.[一般你如果講customs,應該就不用traditional了] [In my opinion, these customs had always been]very interesting and remarkable, [and should be recognized by] every citizen of Taiwan. My father works in [Taiwan Power Company], my mother works in an [accounting firm][會計師事務所是accounting firm], and my brothers is a student at National Chiayi University. My parents [had always considered independence to be one of the most important characteristics, so I was trained to be independent since I was a child.] [My parents are very open-minded , and tries their best in supplying their children with everything they need].[除非你們是大富大貴之家,否則一般,不太有人直接說我們affluent,若你是指物質不匱乏,我改成上文,希望可以] My parents [had never forced] me to do things I do not like, they gives me [the] freedom of choice. That is why I [was allowed to participate in] so many school activities and [had the opportunities to develop my hobbies.] [During holidays, my parents bring me abroad for vacations]. [I had been] to many [countries], [including] America, Australia, China. [I must say太口語了,應該刪掉]I am [very] lucky to have such a [great] family. [As to my personality, 就不用了,因為你的形容詞就是用來形容個性的]I am [a] creative, optimistic, [determined, and down to earth person that is always] willing to help others. [I always tell myself to read hard to show solicitude for the parents pain, therefore, I have got reality and responsible characters.整句的意思很奇怪,可以補充你的中文原意嗎?]

    2009-11-05 01:17:10 補充:

    [I had always been a hard-working student.] [Amongst all the classes, computer science is my favorite subject. [Learning computer languages had always been the enjoyable and exciting thing.這樣或許比較通順]

    2009-11-05 01:17:29 補充:

    I [had] graduated from [the department of xx科系of xx university with a degree in xx] this [past summer]. [I had solid training in information and computer education]. I have great [passion] in [working with computers].

    2009-11-05 01:17:35 補充:

    I [learned how to work around computers almost seven years ago, and I am well-trained in setting up a website and making flash animations.] [The e-commerce has changed our traditional lifestyle.因為是自傳,所以這句比較像課本裡出來的話就可以刪掉了,這句話跟你沒有什麼關係]

    2009-11-05 02:39:39 補充:

    更正一下,我看了你第二部分才發現,原來你最後這一句e-commerce是會了銜接下一段,那麼我會建議你,從這句話開始格成下一段,作為下段的引言,這樣才不會接在前一段的尾巴,感覺很奇怪

    參考資料: me, me, me, me, me
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