瑋庭 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

幫我看一下這段英文短文 文法有沒有錯誤

Hello everyone , my name is Rita . today , I wanna introduce my ideal mate to you .

When everyone choose his own partner, he prefers to find someone similar to his interest. No exception, I hope I have many things in common with my ideal partner.

In my opinion , he who must be a slim and big eyes sunny-boy mien looks tidy and tall than me .that’s appearance .

I wish that he is a reliable , easygoing , generous , witty , considerate person in my dream .that’s personalities

I am a emotional and pessimistic girl who usually like to think too many complex problems to feel happy . So I hope that he is a patient boy who must knows about me, because we have to in the same wavelength .

I like to make friend with people,so i hope that he also can know my friend we can go to play in the leisure

At last, I wish my Mr. right could spare some private times for me from daily study, even a few words of affection will do, as I want to know you still care about me.

I hope I can find my ideal soul mate soon, and wish the same for everyone. Thank you all.

3 個解答

評分
  • Zippi
    Lv 7
    1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    Hello, everyone, my name is Rita. Today,

    I wanna discuss what an ideal mate means to me .

    When everyone chooses his dream

    partner, he prefers to find someone with as many similar interests as

    possible. Undoubtedly, I hope I have lots

    of things in common with my ideal partner.

    As far as the appearance is concerned , I expect

    him to be slim, big-eyed, tidy-looking, and taller than me .

    Regarding

    personality, I expect

    him to be witty, reliable, easygoing, generous and considerate.

    Being prone to think too many complicated matters, I am sometimes emotional and pessimistic. So I expect

    him to be patient with me and know well how I feel. After all, we are supposed

    to be in the same wavelength.

    I like to make friends with people, so I

    expect him to know my friend well and have some fun together.

    At last, I wish my Mr. Right could spare

    more time for me, A few words of affection will let me know he really

    cares about me.

    I hope I can find my ideal soul mate soon, and

    wish the same to everyone. Thank you all.

    劃線部份為更改的地方, 僅供參考

    參考資料: me
  • 1 0 年前

    Hello,

    I read your presentation, I feel it's OK but boring.

    some of grammar problems.

    In your sentences you used too many That, or who

    That will bore reader or listener

    I suggest you better not using WANNA if this is formal presentation

    You could use WOULD LIKE TO instead of wanna.

    Your sentence doesn't make sense: I wanna introduce my ideal mate to you.

    You gave us information that you have already ideal mate beside you and you are going to introduce ideal mate to us.??????

    Maybe you should say: I would like to share with you what characters of my ideal mate should have.

    your sentence: I hope I have many things in common with my ideal mate.

    It's better if you say: I hope if we have lots in common. Everybody knows that you are talking about your ideal mate, so you don't need to use ideal mate all of the time.

    you may need to check your dictionary,learning how to use WISH and HOPE

    both of are different

    we often WISH for things that are not real or true.

    so if you said I wish my Mr. right could spare some private time for me........

    that means you don't want it come true??

    Better say: I hope my Mr. right could share his time with me......................

    You still have some grammar and writing problems, I am not sure if you are still interested in hearing my advise, so I stop now.

    Let me know if I should go ahead................

  • 1 0 年前

    Hello everyone , my name is Rita . today , I (如果是作文,建議改want to,演講的話would like to會更好) introduce my ideal mate to you.(表示你已經有ideal mate 了嗎?)

    When (one) (chooses) his own partner, he prefers to find someone (similar to his

    interest ???).( No exception,好像不能這樣用) I hope I (would) have many things in

    common with my ideal partner.(邏輯怪怪的,前面提到希望有相同興趣,後面卻希望有許多共通點?因果關係好像不對)

    In my opinion , he (who去掉) must be a slim and (big-eyed) (sunny-boy???) ,(whose)(mien用在這裡怪怪的) looks tidy and (is taller) than me .(That’s for) appearance.(建議直接在本段開頭寫For appearance,比較清楚)

    I wish that he is a reliable , easygoing , generous , witty , considerate person in my dream .that’s personalities.(wish和in my dream重複到了,把I wish that或in my dream擇一去掉)

    I am a emotional and pessimistic girl who usually like to think (too many complex problems to feel happy典型錯誤,應為too many complex problems that make me unhappy) . So I hope that he is a patient boy who (must去掉) knows about me, because we have to (be) in the same (wavelength???).

    I like to make (friends) with people,so i hope that he also can know my (friends)(,so that) we can (hang out together) in the leisure.(整句非常中式英文,[所以我希望他也能認識我的朋友])

    At last, I wish my Mr. right (will) spare some private (time, time翻為[時代]時才可數)

    for me from (his) daily study, even a few words of affection will do, as I want to

    know (you指誰不明確,改為that he) still (cares) about me.

    I hope I can find my ideal soul mate soon, and wish the same for everyone.

    Thank you all.

    後面幾段懂得解釋為什麼希望ideal mate有某樣特徵,很好

    但前面一長串形容詞都沒解釋太浪費

    要嘛不提,要嘛只提重要的幾個來解釋

    不要寫了一長串就丟到一邊,看的人會不清楚你想表達什麼

    性別平等的時代,one這種沒表明性別的字的所有格最好用his or her,你的文章才不會看起來怪怪的

    結尾不錯

    參考資料:
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