土豆 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

<非常急>請英文達人幫忙抓文章錯誤 (語病+文法)

Good morning, everyone. I am very glad to be here for the interview. I am David Li. I grew up in a harmonious family. My parents play an important role in the process of cultivating my personal traits. They always teach me how to do things with a positive attitude.

My personal traits are hardworking, patient, and responsible. These traits make me overcome every difficulty. Moreover, I am a self-disciplined person. I have never let my parents worry about my academic performance.

During five-year junior college, my academic records were always above average. I also participated in numerous English contests in the school and the best I got was the second place. On the other side, I once volunteered for the school's traffic service to help direct traffic. It is a special experience for me.

In my leisure time, watching the movies and listening to music are my favorite hobbies which can not only make me feel relaxed but be a good way to learn English. These two hobbies also developed my interest in English.

To be more proficient in English, I need more cultivation and learning in this language. Therefore, I realize that the curriculum provided by the Department of Applied Foreign Languages is exactly what I need if I want to have a good command of English. I hope one day I can become an outstanding person in the field of foreign languages and contribute what I have learned to my country and the society in the future.

As far as I know, National Taipei College of Business has been founded for nearly one hundred years and has quite a good reputation and evaluation; what is more, it has a self-access learning room for the students. I do hope that I can get this opportunity to experience and study in this prestigious school.

還有一段

已更新項目:

If I can get the permission to enter NTCB successfully, I'll try my very best to dedicate on my courses and to broaden my horizon by extensive reading and self-learning. I have a great deal of self-confidence to be an outstanding person in the field of foreign languages. 續

2 個已更新項目:

Overall, National Taipei College of Business is the best choice to get what I need for me.

Thank you for your attention.

3 個已更新項目:

請不吝指教,感謝!!!

(下週一前須完成.麻煩各位了)

4 個已更新項目:

內容上可以適度就修改

段落間有些地方沒辦法接的很通順 可以添加句子進去

若有不清楚 我會隨時補充 謝謝

5 個已更新項目:

補充一下

這是面試自我介紹時要用的 (3分鐘)

6 個已更新項目:

Could you please give more suggestion and direction?

Thank you!!

2 個解答

評分
  • 1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    1. On the other side, I once volunteered for the school's traffic service,..[full stop]. It was a special experience for me.

    2.In my free time

    3.watching the movies and listening to music are my favourite...[just here full stop]

    4 Overall, National Taipei College of Business is the best choice to get what I need ....[just here full stop]

    I don't know what to say, it seems perfect, but it doesn't look like an English person will do in this way, all right then

    well done, mate

    參考資料: I have lived in the UK since was a boy
  • 1 0 年前

    Your English is already very good.  Very little flaw could be found about your grammar as it was nearly impeccable. The changes, except those noted on the bottom, were on your choice of words in terms of fluency and general usage. Most of my suggestions are not about the language; they are about the culture 

    Good Luck! 

     the process of 

     They have always taught me how to always do...

    My personal traits include hardworking.....

    These traits make have helped me overcome ev...,

    person. I, having

    never let my parents worry about my academic performances.

    Throughout five years of junior college,

    the best I did was the

    second place. On the other side hand,

    It is was a special experience for me.

    In my leisure time, watching going to the movies and

    listening to music are my favorite hobbies which can help me (to) not only relax but also learn

    English. (A)

    ... I realize that the curriculum provided offered by

    what I needed if I want to have a good command of

    English.

    I hope that

    one day I can become an outstanding person in the field of foreign languages

    and contribute what I have learned to my country and the society in the

    future. (B)

    ...what is more, it has a self-access learning room for the students. I do hope that I can get this

    have the

    opportunity to experience and study in this prestigious school.

    If I can could get the permission to admitted into

    enter NTCB successfully, I'll would (C)try  

    by

    with

    extensive reading and self-learning.

    ...best

    choice to get what I need for me.

    Thank you for your attention time.

    (A)Although 'watching' is

    clearly more appropriate for the action described, normally you would say

    'seeing a movie' or 'going to a movie'.

    Not only...but also - both

    clauses should use the same part of speech. 

    in this case, they can even share the same verb (help).

    (B) you already have 'one day', so adding 'in the future' is redundant.

    (C) can...will >>>

    could .... would = display of modesty

    參考資料: I have yet to set foot in the UK since birth.
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