lindyy 發問時間: 教育與參考考試 · 1 0 年前

請批改我的sat作文,英文高手歡迎!!

As Bertrand Russell said “ To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness”, which describes all humankind’s behavior. We do desire the attainment of happiness but we would get bored and unable to appreciate the happiness. I would certainly state that the pursuit of our desires gives us more pleasure and satisfaction.

We gain pleasure and satisfaction by working hard to achieve the goal and gain happiness from the achievement. Although the process might be a great challenge, the success always tastes sweeter after all the hard work. From one of Harper Lee’s work, To Kill a Mockingbird has demonstrated this point. Atticus has been fighting a chance for Tom Robinson to prove his innocence and trying to correct people’s stereotype against colored-skin people. Although he didn’t change Tom Robinson’s fate, he certainly established a move of getting people to the place of non-racism. He was satisfied because he did the thing that he believes in. Happiness comes from different levels.

I personally think that more work you have dedicate into, the more satisfaction and self-esteem you will gain. These qualities build the happiness in our lives. Mrs. Mary Curie, the famous scientist who sacrifices her life in order to save more human lives and her original country, Poland. She dies without any regret because she had accomplished her goal with her husband whom was also a great scientist. Their work contributed so much to the world whether it is theories, discoveries or inventions. They certainly have pursuit their goals with great unimaginable efforts in order to accomplish such a great work. Their lives are satisfied and happy because they achieved their goals, instead of just attainting.

已更新項目:

Both in books and real life demonstrate us the model of gaining happiness, which is to pursuit your desire. Once a person achieves it goals, he gain self-esteem, satisfaction- and the ultimate of thing that people are after-, happiness.

2 個已更新項目:

Mrs. Mary Curie and Atticus from To Kill a Mockingbird, both demonstrate that they gain their satisfaction and happiness by conquering the difficulties to pursuit the desires.

3 個已更新項目:

By these two example, I can certainly state that pursuit of desire can make you feel much more satisfaction and pleasant than the attainment of desire.

the essay is completed :)

1 個解答

評分
  • 匿名使用者
    1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    Was this essay completed within the 25-minute time limit?

    2010-07-29 11:03:54 補充:

    Key: error/suggestion/comment (因字數上限,部分用 "..." 省略)

    As Bertrand Russell said, ..., which describes all humankind’s behavior. We do... but we would get be bored... happiness. Therefore, I would...

    We gain... to achieve the our goals and gain... Althoughthe process may be a great challenging, the success... From one of Harper Lee’s works, To Kill a Mockingbird has demonstrates this point perfectly. Atticus had been fighting a chance for Tom Robinson... against colored-skinpeople. Although he didn’t change Tom Robinson’s fate, he certainly established a move of getting people to the place of non-racism made others question racism. He was satisfied because he did the thing that he believed in (great!). Happiness comes from different levels (unclear).

    (needs transition) I personally think that themore work you have dedicate into to, the more satisfaction... the famous scientist who sacrificed... country, Poland. She, died without any regret... with her husband who was also a great scientist. Their work contributedso much greatly to the world, whether it is may be theories, discoveries or inventions. They certainly have pursued their goals... Their lives were satisfied and happy because they achieved their goals, instead of justmerely attainting them.

    Both in books literatures and real life..., which is to pursue yourdesire. Once a person achieves his goals, he gains self-esteem, satisfaction- and the ultimate ofthing that people are after-, and ultimatelyhappiness. Both Mrs. Mary Curie and Atticus fromTo Kill a Mockingbird, both demonstrate... to pursuit their desires. Withthese two example, I can certainly state... much more satisfied and pleasant than theattainment of desire.

    Score: (意見區)

    Comment: (意見區)

    2010-07-29 11:04:57 補充:

    Score (out of 6): 4~5

    Comment: you set your point of view clearly in your introduction, and you showed great critical thinking with well-developed examples to support your thesis statement. (continued below)

    2010-07-29 11:05:20 補充:

    The overall structure and progression of the essay is pretty good, although the lack of transition between the two examples makes it slightly choppy. You demonstrated variety in sentence structures and used appropriate vocabulary (except for a few misuses with similar words). (continued below)

    2010-07-29 11:05:33 補充:

    There are a few grammatical/stylistic errors, such as parallelism, fragment and verb-tense consistency. I’d give this essay a score of 5 based on the delivery and organization presented, although a stricter critic may give you a 4 for grammar errors like verb-tense consistency. (continued below)

    2010-07-29 11:05:43 補充:

    To get a higher score, try to improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs and minimize grammatical/stylistic errors.

    參考資料: 在美留學經驗(8+年),考過 SAT Reasoning Test
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