police 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 1 0 年前

英文作文 幫忙修改2

A Big Surprise

One evening,my mon was busy cooking in the kitchen and looking forward to my dad coming home for dinner.Meanwhile,my dog Milk was sitting still behind my mon,smelling the delicious dish on the stove.

All of a sudden,a gorilla appeared in the kitchen ,which scared my mon .Such was she shock that she dropped the dish she was holding.The plate hit the ground with a loud crash and broke into pieces.Milk promptly made a dive for the food spilled on the kitchen floor.

Suddenly,my dad took off his mask to show my mon that it was only a gorilla costume.And then,to her delight,my dad handed her a bunch of flowers.Originally,today is the Anniversary of marriage .Milke also helped clear the scraps on the floor and felt so happy.

幫我修正文法語意順暢,改錯字 謝各位高手

3 個解答

評分
  • 羅莉
    Lv 7
    1 0 年前
    最佳解答

    One evening, my mom was busy cooking in the kitchen in anticipation of my

    dad coming home for dinner. Meanwhile, my dog Milk sat still behind my mom,

    smelling the delicious stuff on the stove.

    All of a sudden, a gorilla appeared in the kitchen, which scared my mom. She

    was in such a shock that she dropped the dish held in her hand. The plate hit

    the ground with a loud crash sound and broke into pieces. Milk promptly

    made a dive for the food spilled on the kitchen floor.

    The gorilla rapidly took off its mask, and my dad was seen in a gorilla costume.

    And then, to her delight, my dad handed her a bunch of flowers. As it turned

    out, the day was their anniversary of marriage. Milk also helped clear the

    scraps on the floor and felt so happy.

    建議:

    1) 標點符號(逗號、句號、問號、驚嘆號、冒號、分號等)應緊貼字尾, 後面必須留一空格. 這非常重要, 一定要養成習慣.

    2) was busy Ving...and Ving... : 這個busy是及於兩個Ving的, 用於cooking沒問題, 但用於looking forward to就不對了, 所以改成in anticipation of.

    3) 過去進行式需有對照動作或時點, 第一段兩個描寫句, 整段卻沒有對照動作或時點, 所以狗的動作改為過去式. 雖然猩猩的出現是一個對照時點, 但結構上是在另一段的敘述, 對照效果較薄弱, 除非移到第一段, 而且要把mom與狗的動作改為While副詞子句, 這個副詞子句才適合用過去進行式.

    4) 菜餚要盛在盤子裡才可稱為dish, 在爐子算是food, 在狗的眼裡也可用stuff.

    5) Such was she shock that... 文法不對, 改為She was in such a shock that.... (不適合倒裝)

    6)「端在手中」的菜餚, 是狀態而非動作, 以分詞片語held in her hand代之.

    7) with a loud crash是聲音, 但crash不是聲音, 故加上sound.

    8) on the kitchen floor: 整個場景都在廚房, kitchen是贅字.

    9) 父親的出現是在脫掉面具以後, 敘述上要說「猩猩快速脫掉面具, 父親現身」較合邏輯. 您直接說父親脫掉面具來展示它只是個裝扮, 有銜接上的不協調.

    10) 原來,... : 譯為Originally是中式英文, 應譯為As it turned out,...

    11) today is...: 時態錯誤, 整個事件都是One evening那天.

    2010-09-07 17:06:09 補充:

    如要用倒裝句, 要這樣寫:

    So was she shocked that..... (用Such是錯的)

    In such a shock was she that.... (這才是用such)

    參考資料: 翻譯是可以靈活運用的
  • 1 0 年前

    A Big Surprise

    One evening, my mom was busy with cooking in the kitchenand looking forward to my dad coming home for dinner. Meanwhile, my dog, Milk, was sitting still behind my mom, smelling the a delicious dish on the stove.

    All of a sudden, a gorilla appeared in the kitchen, which scared my mom, Such was she was so shocked that she dropped the dish she was holding, The plate which hit the ground with a loud crash and broke into pieces, Milk promptly made a dived for to the food spilled that poured on the kitchen floor.

    Suddenly Surprisingly, (前段已有 all of a sudden, 此處使用其他字,儘量不重複) my dad the gorilla took off his its “mask” to show my mom that it was only my dad wearing a gorilla costume. And then, to delight her delight, my dad handed her mom a bunch of flowers, Originally even more surprising, today is that day originally was the anniversary of their marriage. Milk also helped clearing the scraps on the floor (how to help? a dog?) and felt so happy.

  • 1 0 年前

    A Big Surprise

    One evening,my mom was busy cooking in the kitchen and looking forward to my dad's returing home for dinner.Meanwhile,my dog Milk was sitting behind my mom,smelling the delicious dish on the stove.

    All of a sudden a gorilla ,which scared my mom, appeared in the kitchen .Such was she shocked that she dropped the dish she was holding.The plate hit the ground with a loud crash and broke into pieces.Milk promptly made a jump toward the food which spilled on the kitchen floor.

    Suddenly,my dad took off his mask to show my mom that it was only a gorilla costume.And then,to her delight,my dad gave her a bunch of flowers.Originally,today is their Anniversary of marriage .Milke also helped us clear the scraps on the floor and felt so happy.

    ※希望有幫到大大你喔^^

    2010-09-07 16:06:10 補充:

    倒數第二句→Originally,the day was their Anniversary of marriage

    參考資料: 自己
還有問題?馬上發問,尋求解答。