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倫爺 發問時間: 教育與參考考試 · 9 年前

這篇英文作文不知道寫的有沒有錯誤勒!

這我的作文,請高手幫我看看錯誤幫我修正一下

An Impressive and Successful CommercialNowdays, commercials are everywhere in our lives. Among all the amazing commercials I have seen, a commercial by sister of 張君雅strikes me as particularly impressive. The bulk of the commercial depicts a girl’s grandmother prepare fast noodle for her, and the village head used broadcast let the girl know. I remember when I was a children, my village also has a kind of broadcast like this commercial.Hence, this commercial make me remember my happily childhood time. I think the director is very smart, cause he knows how to come in to soul of every one. The commercial is impressive I think have another reason. Have you pay attention in this commercial’s girl? The girl’s hair, clothes and schoolbag are very close with us. Director was smart cause he make two different generations concerns.Old generation remember their childhood. New generation just think the girl is very cute and I think they will ask their parents about twenty years ago Taiwan ’s culture.That is why this commercial will be success, cause director make every one to talk about the depict of commercial.

1 個解答

評分
  • 星星
    Lv 6
    9 年前
    最佳解答

    敝人略要地幫您修改不順及錯誤的地方:

    Nowadays, commercials are everywhere in our lives. Among all the amazing commercials I have seen, the one featuring the little girl 張君雅surprised me as particularly impressive(the most). The main idea of the commercial depicts that a girl’s grandmother prepared fast noodle for her, and the villagers had to use the broadcast to let the girl know. I remember when I was a children, my village also has a kind of broadcast like this commercial.Hence, this commercial makes me remember my happy childhood time. I think the director is very smart, because he knows how to come in to soul of everyone. (因為他知道如何進入每個人的靈魂? 需修改) The commercial is impressive I think have another reason. (In my opinion, there is another reason that why this commercial is so impressive.) Did(較洽當) you pay attention to the girl in the commercial(it 可多利用代名詞)? The girl’s hair, clothes and schoolbag are very similar to us. [Director was smart because he make two different generations concerns.] (時態不一致、為甚麼會突然出現two generations ? concerns意義何在? )The elder generation remembers their childhood. The newer generation just think the girl is very cute and I think they will ask their parents about Taiwanese culture twenty years ago.That is why this commercial will be success, because the director makes everyone to (discuss and) talk about the depict of commercial.

    *修正”中式英文”的用法。*全文時態必須一致。*注意每個詞的用法、詞性並慎選之。*撰寫英文文章,可多加善用therefore, in my opinion, first of all, …… 之類的片語。*還是建議請教專業的英文老師吧!!

    2010-12-06 23:59:38 補充:

    補充 速食麵(泡麵)正確用法應該是 instant noodles

    參考資料: 敝人草草修改, 補充!
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