匿名使用者
匿名使用者 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 10 年前

麻煩好心人替我改一下英文口稿

要發表的主題,可否請好心大大替我改得口語些,謝謝!

Liposuction is a treatment to remove excess body fat. It is carried out on areas of the body where deposits of fat tend to collect, such as the hips, thighs, abdomen, chin, upper arms and calves. If you would like to lose a large number of weights, Liposuction is a good chose.And the second treatment is Breast augmentation, it is a surgical procedure designed to enlarge the breasts and give them a different shape. It is popular because it has an effect on the look of the whole body and not just the chest.Liposuction can improve human appearance and often allow them to enjoy a wider variety of clothing styles. Liposuction may also be used in the treatment of some medical conditions, such as: lipomas (脂肪瘤)and lipodystrophy syndrome(脂肪代謝障礙症). But, Liposuction is mainly used to improve how a person looks, rather than providing any physical health benefits. A lot of people think that cannot be more in liposuction. In fact, it is very dangerous because it might cause blood clots or fat clots, which could hurt the brain or lungs. This can be fatal, and they will certainly need more surgery to repair the organ.Breast augmentation can boost women’s appearance and make their body look even more beautiful. Women can choose to have breasts that are the right size for their body and makes them lift up, it can also get rid of the after pregnancy and children effects. That will help make women more confident. Like any other type of surgery, breast augmentation comes with risks. Breast implants may increase their risk of breast cancer、autoimmune disease, or any systemic illness.

2 個解答

評分
  • 10 年前
    最佳解答

    你的第一段寫得很好, 後面卻結構散漫,邏輯跳躍,有些文意不清。

    我幫你調動一些段落,讓邏輯清晰。同時改正拼字、文法,加上一些形容詞讓全篇生動些。

    你可以對照你的原文,全篇大聲唸一唸,就可以體會兩篇雖然句子更動不多,但感覺完全不同,改正的這篇一氣呵成,順暢而有段落感。

    Liposuction is a treatment to remove excess body fat. It is carried out on areas of the body where deposits of fat tend to collect, such as the hips, thighs, abdomen, chin, upper arms and calves. If you would like to lose a lot of weight, Liposuction is a good choice.

    Liposuction may be used in the treatment of some medical conditions, such as lipomas (脂肪瘤)and lipodystrophy syndrome(脂肪代謝障礙症). But, Liposuction is mainly used to change a person's appearance, rather than for any physical health benefits. Liposuction can improve a person's appearance and allow that person to enjoy a wider variety of clothing styles.

    A lot of people think liposuction is safe. But in fact, liposuction is very dangerous because it can cause blood clots or fat clots, which can damage the brain or lungs. This can be fatal, and more surgery is needed to repair the damaged organs.

    The second procedure I want to talk about is Breast augmentation. It is a surgical procedure designed to enlarge the breasts and give them a different shape. It is popular because it affects the appearance of the whole body, not just the chest.

    Breast augmentation can change a woman’s appearance and make her body look even more beautiful. Women can choose to have breasts that are the right size for their body and that are more lifted. It can also get rid of the sagging effects caused by pregnancy and bearing children. That will help women feel more confident.

    Like any other type of surgery, breast augmentation comes with risks. Breast implants may increase a woman's risk of developing breast cancer, autoimmune disease, or any other systemic illness.

    2010-12-24 13:59:27 補充:

    我不知道你這篇口頭報告的目的,但要提醒你這篇報告終止得很突然,缺少結語。要是你的目的只是解釋這兩種程序,這樣就可以。要是需要一篇完整的口頭報告,可能要考慮加上一段結語。

  • 10 年前

    Your English is very good, surprisingly sophisticated. However, from the certain errors and 'Chinese style expressions', it shows that you have not lived with English for long .. Keep up the good work .. You will get far ..

    Liposuction is a treatment to remove excess body fat. It is carried out on areas of the body where deposits of fat tend to collect, such as the hips, thighs, abdomen, chin, upper arms and calves. If you would like to lose a large number of weights, Liposuction is a good choice chose.

    And the second treatment is breast augmentation. It is a surgical procedure designed to enlarge the breasts and give them a different shape. It is popular because it has an effect on the look of the whole body and not just the chest.

    Liposuction can improve human appearance and often allow them to enjoy a wider variety of clothing styles. Liposuction may also be used in the treatment of some medical conditions, such as: lipomas (脂肪瘤)and lipodystrophy syndrome(脂肪代謝障礙症). However But, Liposuction is mainly used to improve how a person looks, rather than providing any physical health benefits. A lot of people think that there cannot be more in liposuction. In fact, it is very dangerous because it might cause blood clots or fat clots, which could hurt the brain or lungs. This can be fatal, and they will certainly need more surgeries to repair the organ.

    Breast augmentation can improve boost women’s appearance and make their body look even more beautiful. Women can choose to have breasts that are the right size for their body and makes them lift up. It can also get rid of the sagging effects after pregnancy and child birth children effects. That will help making women more confident. Like any other type of surgery, breast augmentation comes with risks. Breast implants may increase their risk of breast cancer, autoimmune disease, or any systemic illnesses.

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