Japan 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 9 年前

商用英文寫作等 修正,感謝。

下列有3個商用英文寫作,

麻煩各位大大幫我修正文法等和補充,感謝。

Dear Mr. Chen: Thank you for your letter requesting information about our video camera. The retail price of the MegaStar DLQ-700 Video Camera is US$4,800, including, delivery. Our company provides any material, such as a videotape. In addition, we will send you the price, catalog, and describing the camera’s features and specifications next week. I hope this information is helpful. Thank you.

Dear Mr. Chen: Thank you for your inquiring about the video camera. We are sorry that the MegaStar DLQ-700 Video Camera sold out in our company. Have you considered our branch company? If you would like, our company will contact them for you. I hope it helps you.

Dear Mr. Chen: Thank you for your inquiring about the video camera. As you requested, the MegaStar DLQ-700 Video Camera has stopped producing machines until 2010. I recommend another similar video camera-MegaStar DLQ-711 Video Camera. If you are interested in buying it, get in touch with me. Our company is pleased to offer you a 15% discount. I hope this information is helpful in making your purchasing decision. We hope to hear from you soon. Meanwhile, if you have any questions, please call me directly; my extension number is 1162. I would be glad to be of help.

3 個解答

評分
  • 9 年前
    最佳解答

    基本上都沒甚麼太大的問題..簡單明瞭寫得很不錯阿!!

    有以下幾個地方我幫您改了一下

    第一封信

    - Thank you for your inquiry about our video camera.

    使用inquiry就可以了..不須要寫那麼複雜..

    - The retail price of MegaStar DLQ-700 VideoCamera is US$4,800 including delivery.

    MegaStar 前面的the可去掉..including要放在一起前面逗號去掉..

    - Our company provides every kind of material such asvideotape.

    any是用於否定或問句這裡應使用every.."every kind of"各式各樣的..such as要放在一起前面逗號去掉..videotape前面冠詞拿掉..

    - In addition, we will sendyou the price and the catalog of camera's features and specifications next week.

    一般catalog內就包含了產品的介紹和特性因此幫您連進來..

    第二封信

    - Thank you for your inquiry about the videocamera.使用inquiry就可以了..

    - We are sorry that MegaStar DLQ-700Video Camera was sold-out in our company.

    MegaStar 前面的the可去掉..sold-out是形容詞前面要記得加動詞..

    - Have you ever asked ourbranch company?

    曾經有詢問過我們的分公司嗎?

    第三封信

    - Thank you for your inquiry about the videocamera.使用inquiry就可以了..

    - MegaStar DLQ-700 Video Camera was out ofproduction until 2010.

    MegaStar 前面的the可去掉..停產為be + out of production..

    - I recommend you another similar videocamera-MegaStar DLQ-711 (Video Camera).

    建議後面要加you會比較好..因前面已有video camera所以建議後面的可以刪除只要留型號就好了..

    - I hope this information is helpful in making your purchase decision.

    使用purchase即可..

    - I would be glad to helpyou.

    簡單的寫幫助您就可以了..

    2011-03-20 19:47:05 補充:

    自動排版常常怪怪的讓字都連在一起..

    第一封信

    "Video Camera"

    "such as videotape"

    "send you"

    第二封信

    "video camera"

    第三封信

    "video camera"

    "out of production"

    "help you"

    2011-03-20 21:20:08 補充:

    thanks Doc. Panda! ive to learn more!^0^

    參考資料: mich
  • 9 年前

    What a comprehensive coverage by Jeff! ^ - ^

  • 9 年前

    a is US$4,800, including, delivery. Our company provides anymaterial, such as a videotape. (including delivery 這邊中間不用 “ , “ 並且 後面接的不是很完美 你可嘗試 …..US$4,800and all material such as videotape and delivery are included.這是第一段 In addition, we will send you the price, catalog, and describingthe camera’s features and specifications next week. And describing 這邊語法有錯誤 並且 如果第一節已經提到價錢的話 這邊可以不用MENTION PRICE 而且PRICE(價錢) 要怎麼寄給別人? 是不是名詞用錯了 是否享用 “BILL” ?不過我給妳保持原樣 如有須改變在問我 以下是原本的做語法更改 In addition, we will send you the price and the catalog, todescribe the camera’s features and specifications next week. Dear Mr. Chen: Thank you for your inquiring about the video camera. We are sorry that the MegaStar DLQ-700 Video Camera sold out in ourcompany. Have you considered our branch company? If you would like, our companywill contactthem for you. I hope ithelps you. (以上文法似乎沒問題 除了INQUIRINGˋ改成 inquiry 要不語法錯誤) Dear Mr. Chen: Thank you for your inquiring about the video camera. As you requested, the MegaStar DLQ-700 Video Camera has stopped producingmachines until 2010. I recommend another similar video camera-MegaStar DLQ-711Video Camera. If you are interested in buying it, get in touch with me. Ourcompany is pleased to offer you a 15% discount. I hope thisinformation is helpful in making your purchasing decision. We hope to hear fromyou soon. Meanwhile, if you have any questions, please call me directly; myextension number is 1162. I would be glad to be of help. 同樣的 INQUIRING要改成INQUIRY 其他看不出有別ˊ的問題 =] 寫得很好

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