發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 9 年前

檢討英文作文

麻煩各位大大幫我改一下這篇文章

順便告訴我你們給我的評語與分數(滿分為75)

謝謝!

A colorful gardenI think an ideal garden should be colorful. I have a beautiful garden in my home town. There are many plants in my garden. The charming rose and fragrant lily are in the right side. The generous tree peony and shiny sunflower are in the left side. Of course, the tasty vegetable is indispensable in my garden. There are many cabbages and cauliflowers in front of the rose. I can smell attractive fragrance form the rose. The sunflower makes me powerful when I felt upset. They are my favorite family members. I think I will grow the other flowers and vegetables in the future.

已更新項目:

請問大大可否給我個分數 謝謝 滿分為75

3 個解答

評分
  • 9 年前
    最佳解答

    A colorful garden

    I think an ideal garden should be colorful. I have a beautiful garden in my home town. There are many plants in my garden. The charming rose and fragrant lily are in the right side. The generous tree peony and shiny sunflower are in the left side. Of course, the tasty vegetable is indispensable in my garden. There are many cabbages and cauliflowers in front of the rose. I can smell attractive fragrance form the rose. The sunflower makes me powerful when I felt upset. They are my favorite family members. I think I will grow the other flowers and vegetables in the future.

    form <-- from

    tasty vegetable - Vegetables cannot be tasty until they become produce. You’ll be better off trying out those words, such as ‘luscious green’ or ‘tasty looking vegetable’.

    I’m not trying to jump the gun ahead of your learning process. Hence, I didn’t change the way you’ve described your colorful garden. If you keep on practicing your writing, you’ll be more likely than anyone else to become a great writer in due time.

    I like your article. I’ll give you 70 out of 75 (70/75).

  • 9 年前

    文法上有幾個粗心的小錯誤,較建議加強的是 sentence styling.同一句話有多種不同的說法,包含各種句型可以讓文筆優美得到更高分。以下是保留原有的用字,只對句型作的改變:

    I think an ideal garden is (a garden should be)colorful. I have a beautiful(1)garden with many plants in my home town. The charming {roses}and fragrant lilies are on(2) the right side, and the generous(gorgeous?) tree peonies and shiny sunflowers are onthe left side. The tasty vegetables, ofcourse, are indispensable in my garden. There are many cabbages and cauliflowers in front of the roses, form which I can smell an attractivefragrance. My favorite family members are the sunflowers because they make me feel powerful when(I am)upset. I think I will grow the other flowers and vegetables in the future.(1) beautiful 也可放在 plants 前面(2) on the right (side) / in the rightcorner/half/quarter{我看不到rose 和各植物,先設為複數修改,如確定為單數請自行改回}

  • 9 年前

    文法大致上沒有什錯誤,但是 給你個建議 主題 可能改一下會比較好

    因為 主題 Topic 較沒重點

    同時在寫英文寫作時

    英文寫作喜有兩種最常見的寫法 叫做

    "Block Organization" 和 "point by point Organization"

    "Block O" 就是 以主題的 相同性與差異性做分門別類與結論

    "point by point O" 簡單說就是 一個一個重點來解釋 主題方式

    2011-06-21 18:20:46 補充:

    如果主題就是這樣 那就沒關係了

    參考資料: me me me
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