匿名使用者
匿名使用者 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 8 年前

Is the second chapter of my

novel good?

You need to change the structure of some of your sentences, a lot of them sound awkward. Also the way the surgeon explained the procedure to her sounded more like it was directed to the reader. If the surgeon is supposed to have more of a "sinister" feel he shouldn't explain the procedure to her in that way, it should be shorter and colder. If he's not then it should be lighter, right now it's in the middle, it has no feeling and seems almost like he's reading lines. The story seems interesting it just needs a lot of revising and editing to make it flow better and don't put in obscure or big words just to do it, sometimes they take away from the story

2 個解答

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  • 8 年前
    最佳解答

    You need to change the structure of some of your sentences, a lot of them sound awkward. Also the way the surgeon explained the procedure to her sounded more like it was directed to the reader. If the surgeon is supposed to have more of a "sinister" feel he shouldn't explain the procedure to her in that way, it should be shorter and colder. If he's not then it should be lighter, right now it's in the middle, it has no feeling and seems almost like he's reading lines. The story seems interesting it just needs a lot of revising and editing to make it flow better and don't put in obscure or big words just to do it, sometimes they take away from the story

    你需要修改部份句子的結構,許多句子看起來很生硬。還有,醫生跟她解釋醫療過程的口氣,像是在跟讀者下指示似的 ,假如醫生有不祥之感,應該不會這樣跟她解釋整個過程,語氣應該更簡潔更冷淡些, 如果醫生沒有這種感覺,語氣應更輕快些,你的寫法是介於兩者之間,缺乏感情,如同唸台詞。你的故事蠻有趣的,但需要不少修改和調整,使故事更順暢而不至於令人混淆,也不要用些 誨澀艱深的字眼,有時侯這樣會使故事大為失色。

  • 8 年前

    novel good?

    You need to change the structure of some of your sentences, a lot of them sound awkward. Also the way the surgeon explained the procedure to her sounded more like it was directed to the reader. If the surgeon is supposed to have more of a "sinister" feel he shouldn't explain the procedure to her in that way, it should be shorter and colder. If he's not then it should be lighter, right now it's in the middle, it has no feeling and seems almost like he's reading lines. The story seems interesting it just needs a lot of revising and editing to make it flow better and don't put in obscure or big words just to do it, sometimes they take away from the story

    翻譯:

    好的小說呢?您需要更改的一些你的句子結構,他們中的許多人聽起來令人尷尬。此外方式,外科醫生過程向她解釋聽起來更像它被定向到讀者。如果外科醫生應該有更大的一種"邪惡"的感覺他就不應該以這種方式來向她解釋程式,它應該是更短和更冷。如果他不那麼輕,現在應該是在中間,它已經沒有感覺,看上去幾乎就像他正在讀的行。這個故事很有趣,它只需要大量的修改和編輯,使它更好地流動和不要把放在朦朧或大的詞,只是為了做這件事,有時他們拿走的故事

    參考資料: bing翻譯
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