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若若 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 8 年前

我想請人幫我檢查3篇作文(英檢初級)

我想請大家幫我看作文有3篇

錯字請用明顯的顏色或符號

(一)

Yesterday was Jenny's Birthday.But everyone were busy at the office.So she

guested that everyone forgetten it.Then she went to eat lunch and she was very

disappointed.When she back to office the light was very dark.She was very

confused it. Suddenly everyone stood up and sung bitrhday song to her. And

Jenny was very happy and touching heart.

(二)

Mr.Wang drove car to work in a hurry.He was late, so he drove very fast.When

he turned left in a red light.He crushed another car.Safely no one got hurt.The

taxi driver got off the car.And Mr. Wang said sorry to the taxi driver.Everyone is safe.And Mr. wang remembered this and kept in his mind.He will be carefull

next time.

(三)

In a wonderful day.Dad drove the car took family to picnic.On the way, they go

to gas station for gas.And than they go to park.And have a picnic.How a

wonderful day.Wasn't it!

已更新項目:

你是英文老師嗎??

好專業喔!!!!

2 個已更新項目:

真是辛苦妳了~~~!!!!

這麼晚還幫我:))

1 個解答

評分
  • 8 年前
    最佳解答

    (紅字為修改 - 藍字為錯字 - 灰字是我認為該刪掉的)

    Yesterday was Jenny's Birthday. However, everyone were busy at the office, so

    she guessed that everyone might forget it. Then she went to eat lunch and she

    was felt very disappointed. When it got dark, she came back to the office. She

    confused it. Suddenly everyone stood up and sang the birthday song to her.

    Finally Jenny felt not only happy but also touched.

    第一篇總結- 3~3.5

    1.

    這篇寫得不OK ~"~ (可以參照前兩回

    a) 錯字

    b) 時態 (這次錯在亂使用"過去分詞",並非一般人的錯哦

    c) 中式英文的成分很重

    d) 未善用連接詞

    尾巴可來個HAPPY ENDING (?

    2.

    此建議不使用everyone 可改her friends

    或是同事 = her colleagues

    然後冠詞記得配上

    3.

    連接詞功用就是連接兩子句

    只有一個句子,我就不建議在寫作中使用連接詞

    however/therefore本身不是conj.,而是adv.,所以後頭可以像我那樣使用

    4.

    湊字數,順便審美 : not only~~ but also

    如果改倒裝,效果更讚,可惜這樣字數太多

    Mr. Wang drove his car to work in a hurry because of being late. He drove so

    fast that He crashed a taxi when turning left at the red light. Safely/Luckily

    no one got hurt. Taxi driver got off the car. And Later (on), Mr. Wang said

    sorry to the taxi driver. Both of them were safe. Maybe Mr. Wang learned

    a lesson, and he would be more carefull while driving next time.

    (二) 總結- 3~4級

    1.

    錯字注意 crash. careful

    主詞相同時,可直接when/While/After/Before + Ving (被動就用Vpp

    2.

    多認識片語 (如later on=後來,還有learn a lesson = 記取教訓

    還有句型 ( so..... that...... 太...以致於

    so可修飾形容詞,也可修飾副詞 (所以上面fast是adv,非adj

    On a wonderful day, Dad drove his car and took his family to go

    picnicking. On the way to park, they went to a gas station because

    of running out of gas first. Than Finally they got the park and

    had a picnic. Also, they enjoyed themselves in it. For them, that day

    was really a wonderful and pleasant day, wasn't it? (三) 總結- 2.7-3級

    1.

    字太少,或許可加點東西,感言、結尾都好

    日子(不管早中晚)都用on

    because 原本接子句,若要節省一點,可用because of + Ving / N

    2.

    請自己訂好一個時態,就不要隨便亂更動

    不要一下子過去式,一下子現在式,這也會影響內容

    除非你寫小說 (汗

    3.

    1) have a good time (+Ving) 或是enjoy oneself都可以,

    2) pleasant假若忘記怎拼,可以改happy都無所謂 ( 初級不會因此扣分

    3) run out of gas 就是沒油了,因為你字數太少,所以可藉此混充一下(?

    4) Also可當副詞,比起直接用And好多了

    5) get the park. get home 意思都有"到達"目的地

    4.

    請避免中式英文.....

    2012-08-17 18:12:52 補充:

    我不是英文老師

    這算是...興趣吧!?

    參考資料: 以上僅供參考 有問題→補充意見回答 感恩啦XD
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