水夜 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 7 年前

工作英文自傳~請幫檢查看看是否有需要加強的

請有經驗的大大們幫我看看,這篇英文自傳是否有需要加強的

Dear Sir/Madam

My name is * *,*.Fong,Hou. I have been living in Taichung since I was born in 1987.My family consists of five members.My dad has retired and my mom is a housewife.I have two young brother.One studies at gratuate school and the other is junior of college.I was graduated from electronics

department of Taichung Industrial High School and had the degree of electronic engineering department at National Formosa University.

Alough i have not any experience of work,but i have a strong will and basic knowledge.I have enough confidence to face any challenge to make up for the lack of actual working experience in the future.

Hope you will allow me an opportunity for this position in the near future.I will take a diligent and conscientious to toward the work and i believe you will not be disappointed.

已更新項目:

恩恩,感謝 DaSaGwa ,我知道我文法哪邊有問題了,重點是要強調自身優點,家中狀況就不用寫出來了

也感謝s建議,那用法我是參考其他人的,就如同我擔心的,我怕英文自傳太白話或用法不實際,所以才會PO上來,謝謝大家,我在去做更正

3 個解答

評分
  • 7 年前
    最佳解答

    Dear Sir/Madam:

    My name is * *,*.Fong,Hou. I have been living in Taichung ( I am resient of Taichung) since I was born in 1987.My family consists of five members.My dad has retired and my mom is a housewife.I have two young brothers.One studies at is in graduate school and the other is a junior in college.I was graduated from Electronics Department of Taichung Industrial High School and had a BS degree in Electronic Engineering department from National Formosa University.

    Although I do not have any working experience, but I have a strong will, the basic knowledge and enough of confidence to face and conquer any challenge to make up for the lack of actual (short coming in) working experience in the future.

    Hopefully, you will allow grant me an opportunity for this position in the near future.I will take a diligent and conscientious effort to towards the my work and I believe you will not be disappointed.

    Sincerely Yours

    xx, x

    Sincerely Yours xx, x

    2012-09-16 23:51:13 補充:

    at the end you also need to add:

    Sincerely Yours

    xx, x

    2012-09-17 03:10:47 補充:

    I agree with master s! Even though you might not have the working experience, you can still talk about working on school project (related to the job applying) or team work during your college year.

    2012-09-17 03:18:05 補充:

    No employer likes to train a green hand. If you have the green thumb for the job you apply, then certainly you will be granted the opportunity. The family background will be asked during the interview, there is no need to elaborate in detail in short essay like this.

    2012-09-17 03:19:46 補充:

    Remove the family background paragraph, and add in your knowledge and skill background related to the job applied in more detail.

    2012-09-17 12:34:12 補充:

    Haing's saying is correct, I shall have caught the use of "although" and "but" together. It is not the right English. You shall remove "but", or revise the sentence as:

    In spite of the fact that I do not have any working experience, I have ...

    2012-09-17 12:35:07 補充:

    This is more English like sentence, not Chinglish (Chinese English) !

    參考資料: self
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  • Hsiang
    Lv 5
    7 年前

    第二段有although後面別用but了

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  • s
    Lv 7
    7 年前

    My family consists of five members. - 沒有錯, 但是很少這樣用. 因為家庭成員會變大變小. 我建議你就說, I grow up with two young brothers and my parents..家中到底多少人, 真的不是重點. 不懂為什麼台灣的自介都會提到.

    自傳重點在你, 多講些自己吧.

    不要講沒經驗的部分, 應該強調強項. 例如, 你是高工上來的, 應該強調你有些實際經驗+學士的基礎理論. 然後你自己要分析為什麼這個工作適合你. 例如某個選修課...等等.

    自傳-要隱惡(缺點)揚善(優點), 你才有面試機會

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