Kelly 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 7 年前

幫改短篇美語寫作~~3Q

Topic: a memorable day

The day we met each other

I tried on new fashion style dress and put on the high heel shoes to make myself look adorable before we met. Therefore,

It was excited for me to prepare all the thing for the meeting with my penpal.

The next day, we had a appointment at a French desert restaurant. It was a little nervous because we hadn’t seen each other before over the year. I shocked at the moment as I saw him. He was so gentle and handsome. After the briefly chatting, we had a tasty meal in the romantic atmosphere. Everything was great and wonderful. I had a good impression with him and was looking forward to have the next date. However, since then, Terry didn’t call me anymore. After one week, a simple message showed up. It was that I felt so pleasure to have a such good company like me to comfort his lonely heart over the past one year, but in frankly speaking, he had already had a girl whom he loved. And give the best wishes for me. My dream was broken as soon as reading the text. Afterward, I told myself not to daydream with any penpals whom you never meet.

請高手幫看一下,這篇的時態文法 O不OK呢.....

轉折語有更好的嗎...

3Q~

2 個解答

評分
  • 7 年前
    最佳解答

    Carol 美眉您好,

    也容Panda try try ㄅ;我會盡量原汁原味的幫您修正, 如下:

    ( ) 裏為不必要的字;粗體底線為修改過的字;

    Title: A Memorable Day (在這裏用title標題比topic議題適宜,而標題的每個字的頭一個字母都要大寫,除了and, of 等介系詞)

    The day before we met (each other) (我們見面的前一天 - Each other有些多餘可省略), I tried on a (new) fashionable dress (前面的tried on已說明是新衣,所以不需再用new)and a pair of(the) high heels (shoes) to make myself look adorable (before we met). (美國普遍稱高跟鞋為high heels,可省略shoes) (Therefore,) It was exciting for me to prepare (all the things) for the meeting with my pen pal. The next day, we had a date (用appointment過於正式,好像妳要去看醫生而非會妳心儀的人)at a French(dessert) restaurant.(法國"甜點"餐廳??法國餐廳就可) It was a little nervous for me because we had never seen each other before (over the year) . I was surprised (shocked較為負面,要用surprised) ( at) the moment (as) I saw him, because he was so gentle and handsome.(我將兩個句子連成一句來說明為何妳會驚訝 ) During the brief date, we had a tasty meal in a romantic atmosphere. Everything was great and wonderful. I had a good impression of him and was looking forward to (have) the next date. However, since then, Terry stopped calling me(anymore). After one week(或a week later), I received a simple message which said he felt so pleasured to have such a good company like me to comfort his lonely heart over the past(one) year(英文兩年已上後面會加s,所以不需強調one), but in truth, he (had ) already had a girlfriend whom he loved and gave me (the) best wishes( for me). My dream was broken right after reading the text. Afterward, I told myself not to daydream about (any) pen pals anymore.

    整合如下:

    寫不下 = - =; 寫在意見欄

    2012-12-17 09:09:27 補充:

    Title: A Memorable Day

    The day before we met, I tried on a fashionable dress and a pair of high heels to make myself look adorable. It was exciting for me to prepare for the meeting with my pen pal.

    2012-12-17 09:09:41 補充:

    The next day, We had a date at a French restaurant. It was a little nervous for me because we had never seen each other before. I was surprised the moment I saw him, because he was so gentle and handsome. During the brief date, we had a tasty meal in a romantic atmosphere.

    2012-12-17 09:10:02 補充:

    Everything was great and wonderful. I had a good impression of him and was looking forward to the next date. However, since then, Terry stopped calling me.

    2012-12-17 09:11:36 補充:

    A week later, I received a simple message which said he felt so pleasured to have such a good company like me to comfort his lonely heart over the past year, but in truth, he already had a girlfriend whom he loved and gave me best wishes.

    2012-12-17 09:11:43 補充:

    My dream was broken right after reading the text. Afterward, I told myself not to daydream about pen pals anymore.

    我只負責修飾文法及刪除不必要的字, 語氣仍是妳的

    學英文不只背單字記文法, 最重要的是要有思考邏輯

    Hope it helps

    參考資料: Eat, drink, and sleep English...
  • 7 年前

    I had tried a new, fashion style dress and put on high heels to make myself adorable before we met. To tell the truths, it was excited for me to prepare everything for the meeting with my penpal. On the next day, we had an appointment at a French desert restaurant. I was nervous because we hadn't seen each other for a year. I was shock at the moment as I saw him. He was so gentle and handsome. After a brief chat, we had a tasty meal with a romantic atmosphere. Everything was great and wonderful. I had a good impression on him and was looking forward to having the next date. However, since then, Terry didn't call me anymore. After a week, he sent me a simple message. He said that he was very pleasure to have such a good company like me to comfort his lonely heart over the past year, but in frankly speaking, he had already had a girl who he loved. And he gave me the best wishes. My dream was broken as soon as reading the text. Afterward, I told myself not to daydream with any penpals whom you never meet.

還有問題?馬上發問,尋求解答。