smile 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 8 年前

幫忙訂正/英文/作文

The thing I will never do again

One day,I saw a new smartphone on display when going to school. However I had run out of my pocket money,not having extra budgets. I went to classroom of frustration,and sat down. Simultaneosly,I saw a wallet in the drawer,and an evil thought occurred to me that if I had stolen it,I had enough to buy a new cellphone. At the rest,I unconsciously took away yhe wallet. Fortunately,when he was awae of his wallet had being gone,he didn’t doubt that it was stolen by me.

After class,taking the money stolen from my classmate. I go to that the shop to buy the fashionable smartphone. I was eager for using its developed functions. My father suddenly opened the door while I turned it on. He asked what I had it with a serious tone. Under the doubted pressure, I had just told him the truth. He commanded that I return money to him from my next pocket money. Of course I was punished and broke up the friendship between us. Eventually,I learned a lesson that steal is the last thing I will do.

2 個解答

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  • Ed
    Lv 6
    8 年前
    最佳解答

    The thing I will never do again

    One day, I saw a new smartphone on display on my way to school and I wished to buy it. However I had run out of my pocket money without extra budget(去掉s). I went to classroom with (of) frustration(,) and sat down. All of a sudden (Simultaneosly), I saw a wallet in the drawer of a classmate(,) and an evil thought occurred to me that if I had stolen it, I would have (had) enough to buy that (a) new cellphone. Then at the break time (rest), I (unconsciously) took away the wallet. Luckly (Fortunately,) when he was awae (of) that his wallet disappeared (had being gone), he didn’t suspect (doubt) that it was stolen by me.

    After school(class, taking) with the money stolen from my classmate, (.) I went (go) to that the shop and bought (to buy) the fashionable smartphone. I was eager to use (for using) its enhanced features (developed functions). My father suddenly opened the door while I just turned it on. He asked what I had (it) with a serious tone. And (Under the doubted pressure,) I had just told him the truth. He demanded (commanded) that I return the money to my classmate (him) from my next allowance(pocket money). Of course I was punished and our friendship broke up (the friendship between us). Eventually, I learned a lesson that stealing (steal) is the (last) thing I will never do again.

    括號內的是要去掉的。

    逗點之後要留一格(space).

    2013-02-09 11:18:55 補充:

    東西不見了,就是 disappear。

    沒人用 had been gone (had 後面不能用現在分詞)。

    He asked what I had (it)...

    "what"已經是had的受詞,不能另加it作受詞。

    2013-02-09 11:25:57 補充:

    ... steal is the last thing I will do.

    "steal"是動詞,"stealing"才是名詞,可以作子句的主詞。

    "the last thing I will do" 不等同 "the thing I will never do again"

    不能與主題相呼應。

    2013-02-09 11:34:20 補充:

    luckily vs. fortunately

    (個人覺得)這裡有僥����的意思,用 luckily 會比fortunately恰當。

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  • 8 年前

    Luckly (Fortunately,)<<<為何要改?

    his wallet disappeared (had being gone)<<<原本的有錯嗎?

    He asked what I had (it) with a serious tone<<< it要省略

    I learned a lesson that steal is the last thing I will do<<<原本的文法不行嗎?

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