小寶 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 7 年前

我該怎麼改進我的英語詩?

Drip Drop,

Drip drop, drip drop.

Darned the rain won’t stop.

Dropping on my windowpane.

It’s driving me insane.

Tick Tock,

Tick tock, tick tock,

There goes the clock.

Bleeping beside my ears.

It’s not pleasant to hear.

Bow Wow,

Bow wow, bow wow.

Irascible the dog howl.

Howling around the street’s corner.

It sounds like he is a no homer.

Chit Chat,

Chit chat, chit chat.

People gossip about my weight.

If taking it seriously,

I would be angry immediately.

Drip drop

Tick tock, tick tock

Bow wow, bow wow, bow wow

Chit chat, chit chat, chit chat, chit chat

These are the sounds around me every day.

我需要一些人幫我改進. TY

3 個解答

評分
  • 7 年前
    最佳解答

    版大的詩事實上寫得頗好,但有點卡卡的。

    粗體底線為修改過的字,如下:

    Drip Drop,Drip drop, drip drop.Darn! The rain won’t stop.Dropping on my windowpane.It’s surely driving me insane.

    Tick Tock,Tick tock, tick tock,There goes the clock. Ticking away like some queer.It’s no music to my ear.

    Bow Wow, Bow wow, bow wow.Irascibly the dog would howl.Wailing around the street’s corner.Sounding like he is a no-homer.

    Chit Chat,Chit chat, chit chat.People gossip about my weight. If to be taken seriously,I would be angry unmistakenly.

    Drip dropTick tock, tick tockBow wow, bow wow, bow wowChit chat, chit chat, chit chat, chit chatThese are the sounds I hear every day.

    如何?有感覺比較順嗎?@ - @

    Hope it helps!

    2013-02-11 11:07:54 補充:

    Queer can also be defined as something strange or odd, not necessarily homosexuals.

    Eg. A queer sound

    2013-02-11 18:05:29 補充:

    Sometimes ambiguity cannot be avoided..

    FYI,

    "Ticking away" in this case is meant to be a "nervous tick"

    A clever usage by me indeed!

    參考資料: Panda
  • 7 年前

    Dirty panda finally dived into the twilight zone again.

    2013-02-11 08:53:46 補充:

    I am not sure how a queer can tick away, but for sure, it should not be part of the poem...

    2013-02-11 13:47:31 補充:

    A dangerous thought indeed - I would not use it.

    2013-02-11 13:48:59 補充:

    LOL, especially when "homer" is also there. Who knows when homer and queer can be neighbors.

    2013-02-11 23:17:26 補充:

    Clever at panda queendom indeed - when panda can add 1 to another 1, the entire world will be amazed.

  • Shuang
    Lv 7
    7 年前

    Just okay! complete sentences! It seems that it is okay!

    參考資料: me
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