請幫我改英文作文

今年學測完之後有一段時間沒寫英文作文了 請高手幫我改一下吧!順便指點我哪些地方要改進! 謝謝喔! Two days ago, an elderly man and a businessman got on a train at the MRT station. The elderly man walked very slowly and looked like he was in pain. As soon as the warmhearted businessman saw it, he started to look for some seats for the elderly man.... 顯示更多 今年學測完之後有一段時間沒寫英文作文了
請高手幫我改一下吧!順便指點我哪些地方要改進!
謝謝喔!

Two days ago, an elderly man and a businessman got on a train at the
MRT station. The elderly man walked very slowly and looked like he was in pain.
As soon as the warmhearted businessman saw it, he started to look for some
seats for the elderly man. Unfortunately, all seats had been sit without any rest seat.
Suddenly, the businessman glimpsed at a young man who was listening
to music and sitting on the Priority seat. Obviously, the young man didn't notice
the elderly man. Becoming a little angry, the upstanding businessman tapped
the young man on the shoulder and told him the seat which he sit right now was
Priority seat. So surprised and embarrassed was the young man that he stood
up immediately. Then, the elderly man sat down and kept thanking for the
businessman. At the same time, all the people around them gave the
businessman a big hand.
更新: 用來形容熱心的商人的〝熱心〞形容詞藥用什麼比較好?
感覺用warmhearted 怪怪的......
2 個解答 2