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匿名使用者 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 7 年前

請英文高手幫忙批改英文作文「發明」

最近在練習英文作文

希望借助各位的力量使自己更加進步 謝謝

題目:如果你可以發明一項新產品,你會開發什麼產品?

寫一篇文章,第一段描述你的新產品;第二段說明為什麼需要這樣的產品

If I could invent a new product, I would create a machine which is used to patch up cracked relationship between friends, lovers, or family. on the surface of this small state-of-the-art device are two mysterious buttons. As two people who have the conflict with each other push them separately and close their eyes, their mutual happy recollection will soon vividly emerge in their mind,and make them forget all the misunderstanding and anger.After they come to themselves,their broken relationship will recover.

The embarrassing relationship between people sometimes just attribute to tiny misunderstanding or opposite values they insist on. However, once these situation is formed, it is extremely difficult to go back to old relationship. By applying this special machine, two people could give a chance to each other, even themselves---regain a valuable friendship or love. Let a while mistake not be the permanent mistake.

已更新項目:

to (非)天使大師

你好 有一些小地方想請教你

1. 指兩個人的「關係」relationship 為何需加s? 不是只要用單數嗎?

2. 其實原本的push "them" separately 是指按鈕,就是分別按下兩顆不同的按鈕

我那樣寫會造成語意的誤會嗎QQ 要怎麼改比較好?

3.可是若改成As two people who have a conflict with each other to separate them separately,....

這句話不就沒動詞了?

4.recover需要改成被動嗎?「關係」不能當成使用「恢復」的主詞嗎?

2 個已更新項目:

不好意思請你幫忙看還那麼多疑問

謝謝喔@@

3 個已更新項目:

3....to separate them ...(刪掉原本的separately)

1 個解答

評分
  • 7 年前
    最佳解答

    If I could invent a new product, I would create a machine which is used to patch up cracked relationships between friends, lovers, or family. On the surface of this small state-of-the-art device there are two mysterious buttons. As two people who have the a conflict with each other to push separate them separately, and closing their eyes first and then start the machine, their mutual happiness recollection will soon vividly emerge in their minds, and make them forget all the misunderstanding and anger. After When they come to themselves, their broken relationship will be recovered. 1. put them separately, separately是副詞,在句中是處於修飾put的地位,通常在字義上以”分別地”來解,如此一來,本句文義不正確,也不完整。2. 本段內容敘述不完整,”當兩人互相有了衝突使他們分開,閉上他們的眼睛,他們相互問的快樂回意就很快的鮮明的出現……..”漏了使用機器這件事。3. After they come to themselves,我們常用after”在什麼事之後”來表示事情的發生,我認為after使用在”在做了某件事之後”的場合較為合適,如After they working hard, they make a lot of money. 而如本文的內容,事情發生應是在當事人甦醒的那一剎那(同時),使用when 會比較合宜。4. Their mutual happy recollection, 他們共同的"快樂的回憶",此happy在修飾recollection,指這回憶是快樂的,應也是正確,但我比較想用happiness 來表表,their mutual happiness recollection “他們共同的快樂(事)之回憶。

    The embarrassing relationships between people sometimes are just attributed to tiny misunderstanding or opposite values they are insisting on. However, once these situations are formed, it is extremely difficult to go back to old original relationships. By applying using this special machine, two people could re-give a chance to each other even themselves(如果此處表達的是”給彼此機會,甚至給自已機會,even前之逗點應刪除,否則被分開的”甚至他們自己”何指?不容易被理解)to regain a valuable friendship or love. Let a while careless mistake not be the permanent one mistake.1. attribute 歸因於,常是某人將某事歸因於……, 事物是被歸因的對象,使用被動語態較為正確。2. 文中講到people及they,就必須注意句中的名詞是否應為複數。3. Apply應用,使用,通常用於使用技術、知識、政策屬於軟體的事物,在操作機器上,據查,只慣用的 apply the brake of a vehicle “使用車輛的剎車系統”,不見有使用於其它的機器,因此改為using.4. 中文說”一時的錯誤”,應是說在一時間點造成的錯誤,並不是指只發在短短時間裡的錯誤(過了這一小段時間就不存在),錯誤一旦造成,只要不解決,恐怕都是一直存在的,因此a while mistake 之a while 是一小段時間的意思,和中文的”一時”意義可能不是等同。

    2014-03-10 10:18:40 補充:

    1. 指兩個人的「關係」relationship 為何需加s? 不是只要用單數嗎?

    您在文中提到”關係”在朋友、情人、家人之間,已是談到多種情況,非只有2個人,故必須使用複數。

    2014-03-10 10:19:47 補充:

    2. 其實原本的push "them" separately 是指按鈕,就是分別按下兩顆不同的按鈕,我那樣寫會造成語意的誤會嗎QQ 要怎麼改比較好?

    前面說到有衝突的兩人,後句馬上說push them,是有被誤解的可能,

    將push改為press,them改為the buttons,文義就會很清楚。

    2014-03-10 10:20:29 補充:

    3.可是若改成As two people who have a conflict with each other to separate them separately,....

    可改為As two people who have a conflict with each other just to press the buttons separately,....

    2014-03-10 10:21:12 補充:

    4.recover需要改成被動嗎?「關係」不能當成使用「恢復」的主詞嗎?

    關係是因人為某事而被恢復,不是自己有這樣的能力,基本上是被動才正確。

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