Suzukiy 發問時間: 社會與文化語言 · 7 年前

空姐英文自傳急需幫忙修改!謝謝!

There are 3 people in my family. My mother works in the restaurant as a general partner, and my sister is a student studying in Taichung. Although I am living in a single parent family, but the care of my mom never less. She always tells me that we have to smile to every challenges with no negative. I developed an optimistic personality. In order to lighten my mom's burden, I took several part-time job, like a salesclerk in supermarket, tutor of Junior Math and the employee of Heatingtec Inc.. From those working experience, I learned many conversation and service skills in dealing with people.

In college period, in addition to the research and development of the course, through participation in marketing planning, I had already progressed my fluent oral expression and market sensitivity. On the other hand, I had learned how to communicate and coordinate in a team. Every interactions, I like to "observation", "listening" and "sharing.". With my penetrative of observation, I can get to know the needs of customers. I always obtain achievement from everything I did.

Because of my outgoing personality, I like to close to people. I'm a very passionate person as well. I can take difficult jobs that bother other people and work at them slowly until they get done. In my free time, I really enjoy participating in school activities; I not only make many friends and have lots of fun but also gain many different valuable experiences.

I would appreciate your time in reviewing my autobiography. I sincerely hope that I can work in your company as a flight attendant, and keep to learn. In order to prepare myself for flowing across each global culture, I will keep improving my language ability. If I have this opportunity, I will do my best. Using my optimistic personality and patient service share to each passenger, make sure all tourisms for traveler are comfortable. In the end, I will thank you again to read my interviewer.看哪裡需要修改~謝謝

5 個解答

評分
  • 7 年前
    最佳解答

    Hello夭小妹, Panda也來try try 唄! (但要跟我約會ㄛ!) ^ ^ 粗體底線= 修改過的字( )裡的字 = 不需要 There are three(註1) people in my family - my mother, who works in a(註2) restaurant as a general partner; (and) my sister, who is a student studying in Taichung; and myself(註3).Although I am living in a single parent family, (but) (註4) my mom has never slacked in taking care of us. She always tells us that we have to smile at every challenge(s) (註5)with no negative thoughts. Due to her teaching, I have developed an optimistic personality. In order to lighten my mom's burden, I took several part-time jobs, including being a salesclerk at a supermarket, a (tutor of) Junior Math tutor, and an(註6) employee at Heatingtec Inc. Due to my rich work(ing)experience, I have learnedmany conversation and service skills in dealing with people.

    In college (period),in addition to the research and development of the courses, through participation in marketing planning, I was able to progress my (fluent) oral expression and market sensitivity. At the same time(註7), I learned how to communicate and interact with people in a team. For every interaction(s) (註8), I like to"observe", "listen", and "share". With my discerning eye(註9), I am able to tell what the customers need. I always learn from what I do(註10). Due to my outgoing and passionate personalities, I like to be with people. I am willing to accept challenging tasks (that bother other people) (註11)and endeavor(註12) to get them done. In my free time,I (really) (註13)enjoy participating in school activities; I not only have made many friends, (and have lots of fun) (註14) but also gained many (different) (註15) valuable experiences. 寫不下 = - = 其他放在意見欄

    2014-03-13 11:42:24 補充:

    Thank you for taking time to review my cover letter(註16), and I sincerely hope that I can work in your company as a flight attendant to further expand my knowledge. In order to prepare myself for different cultures, I will keep on improving my language ability.

    2014-03-13 11:42:32 補充:

    If I have this opportunity, I will do my best to share my optimistic personality and patience(註17) with (each) (註18) passengers, and make sure their journeys are always comfortable. Thank you again for your consideration.

    2014-03-13 11:42:54 補充:

    註1 – 寫cover letter時盡量不要用數字, 比較不正式

    註2 – “the”是針對你在討論的某個餐廳, 很specific, 要用 “a”

    註3 – 前段已說你家裡有三個人, 所以要包括你自己

    2014-03-13 11:43:12 補充:

    註4 – 句前有although/though/even though時, 後段不可用but – 華人常犯的錯

    註5 – “every” 為 “每個”, 是單數, 不可加S

    註6 – 你只是他們的其中一個員工, 所以是 “a” 而非 “the”

    註7 – At the same time(同時) 比 on the other hand(另一方面)合適

    2014-03-13 11:43:27 補充:

    註8 – 老毛病, 請參考註5

    註9 – discerning eye = 銳利的眼光 (單數)

    註10 – 前面用always, 所以是包括現在, 用do 而非did

    註11 – focus在你自己, 不要看低別人, 會讓recruiter反感

    2014-03-13 11:43:42 補充:

    註12 – endeavor = 盡全力

    註13 – 盡量避免superlatives (最高級用詞), 如 “very”, “best”, “extremely”, 等等, 會讓人感覺你很誇張

    註14 – recruiter才不會管你fun不fun, 這跟你的優點無關

    註15 – 已經用 “many valuable experiences” 就不須強調 “different”, 感覺很重複

    2014-03-13 11:43:58 補充:

    註16 – autobiography一般是指一本書, 你這算是cover letter

    註17 – “patient service” 翻成中文是 “病人服務” 或 “有耐心的服務”, 感覺很怪

    註18 – 不用刻意強調 “each”, 感覺有點虛假

    2014-03-13 11:44:53 補充:

    重整如下

    There are three people in my family - my mother, who works in a restaurant as a general partner; my sister, who is a student studying in Taichung; and myself. Although I am living in a single parent family, my mom has never slacked in taking care of us.

    2014-03-13 11:45:47 補充:

    She always tells us that we have to smile at every challenge with no negative thoughts. Due to her teaching, I have developed an optimistic personality.

    2014-03-13 11:46:09 補充:

    In order to lighten my mom's burden, I took several part-time jobs, including being a salesclerk at a supermarket, a Junior Math tutor, and an employee at Heatingtec Inc. Due to my rich work experience, I have learned many conversation and service skills in dealing with people.

    2014-03-13 11:46:38 補充:

    In college, in addition to the research and development of the courses, through participation in marketing planning, I was able to progress my oral expression and market sensitivity. At the same time, I learned how to communicate and interact with people in a team.

    2014-03-13 11:47:05 補充:

    For every interaction, I like to "observe", "listen", and "share". With my discerning eye, I am able to tell what the customers need. I always learn from what I do. Due to my outgoing and passionate personalities, I like to be with people.

    2014-03-13 11:47:21 補充:

    I am willing to accept challenging tasks and endeavor to get them done. In my free time, I enjoy participating in school activities; I not only have made many friends, but also gained many valuable experiences.

    2014-03-13 11:47:42 補充:

    Thank you for taking time to review my cover letter, and I sincerely hope that I can work in your company as a flight attendant to further expand my knowledge.

    2014-03-13 11:48:01 補充:

    In order to prepare myself for different cultures, I will keep on improving my language ability. If I have this opportunity, I will do my best to share my optimistic personality and patience with passengers, and make sure their journeys are always comfortable. Thank you again for your consideration.

    2014-03-13 11:48:22 補充:

    OK! 希望有幫助!

    2014-03-14 13:12:29 補充:

    Thanks old buddy, but apparently plenty of people (some of them voted twice against me and NONE from English forum) dont think my explanation is all that...go figure!

    參考資料: Panda - fat & lazy
  • 匿名使用者
    7 年前

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  • 7 年前

    wow!!!!!!!!! ORZ to you Master Panda.

  • 7 年前

    There are three(3) people in my family. My mother works in a restaurant as a general partner(合夥人)?, and my sister is studying in Taichung(你妹在台中讀是就可以知道妳妹是學生,所以我把student刪掉). Although I live in a single parent family, but my mother really take care of my sister and me. She always tells me that we have to smile to every challenge with no negative. Therefore, I have an optimistic personality. In order to lighten my mom's burden, I took several part-time jobs(加s), such as a salesclerk in supermarket, a tutor(of junior high school math看你要不要加) and an employee(字首母音+an) of Heatingtec Inc.. From those working experiences, I learned many communication(溝通技巧) and service skills in dealing with people.

    During college, in addition to the research and development of the course, through participation in marketing planning, I had already progressed my fluent oral expression and market sensitivity. On the other hand, I had learned how to communicate and coordinate in a team. Every interaction(不用加s), I like to observe, listen and share(或I like observing, listening, and sharing). With my penetrative (adj+noun不需of) observation, I can get to know the needs of customers. I always obtain achievement from everything I do(時態需一致).

    Because of my outgoing personality, I like to get closer to people(如果close直接當動詞,可能變成我喜歡”關”人. I'm a very passionate person, too. I could handle difficult jobs which other people doesn’t like and I would finish them patiently(I can take difficult jobs that bother other people and work at them slowly until they get done這是你原本的句子,應該是這意思.白話的句子). In my free time, I really enjoy participating in school activities; I not only make many friends and have lots of fun but also gain many different valuable experiences.

    I would appreciate your time in reviewing my autobiography. I sincerely hope that I can work in your company as a flight attendant, and keep learning(keep 動詞+ing). In order to understand each country culture, I will keep improving my language skills. 字數不夠用

    參考資料: 才疏學淺的我
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  • WTO
    Lv 5
    7 年前

    There are three (3) people in my family-my mother, sister and myself. My mother works in the restaurant as a general partner, and my sister is a student studying in Taichung . Although I am living in a single parent family, however, the care I get from my mom never less. She always tells me that we have to smile to every challenges(hostilities) with no negative. I developed an optimistic personality. In order to lighten my mom's burden, I took several part-time jobs, such as a salesclerk in supermarket, tutor of Junior Math and the employee of Heatingtec Inc. From these working experiences, I learned many conversation and service skills in dealing with people.

    In my college period, in addition to the research and development courses, through participation in marketing planning, I had significant progresses in my fluent oral expression and market sensitivity. On the other hand, I had learned the skills of how to communicate and coordinate each other in a team. In every interaction, I like "observation", "listening" and "sharing." With my penetrative of observation, I can get to know the needs of customers. I always obtain achievement from everything I did.

    Because of my outgoing personality, I like to be closer to people. I am a very passionate person as well. I can take difficult jobs that bother other people and work at them slowly until they get done. In my free time, I really enjoy participating in school activities. I not only make many friends and have lots of fun but also gain many different valuable experiences. Very good. Some changes.I can take difficult jobs that bother other people and work at them slowly until they get done.(不知中文意思)

    2014-03-13 06:23:50 補充:

    If I have this opportunity, I will do my best to achieve my goal. Using my optimistic personality and patient services I will share my enthusiasm to each passenger, and make sure all travelers are comfortable during their journeys.

    參考資料: , Self
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