My name is XXX, you can also call me XXX. I have graduated from Ming Chuan University, where I majored in Applied English. I have 2 and half years experience moonlighting in retailing and 3 years in teaching. My former employers considered me as a considerate and reliable person. I’m more efficient when I’m stressful. I go to gym, take a deep breath to remove stress; therefore, once I get back to work, I’m fresher and more enthusiastic.
In my spare time, I enjoy cooking, making some cookies and traveling to meet different people around the world. And also, I enjoying working with people and have committed to devote myself to the service industry.
This is a starting point of my career, I believe that working in your company is the best for me not only to show my potential but widen my horizon as well.
- 6 年前最佳解答
首先，"Moonlighting" 是個非常不正式，非常口語化的說法，如果這是個專業的自傳，那我勸你用"part-time job"，這是比較正式的說法。
e.g. I have had a part-time position in retail for two and one-half years; I have also had 3 years of teaching experience.
專業文章內請不要用"I'm", "He'll", "You'll"之類的，把它全部寫出來"I am", "He will", "You will" etc.
"I am more efficient when I am stressful" 這句話不是很順。
改成"I work more efficiently under stress"會比較好。
"I go to gym" ---> "I go to the gym"
從I go to gym這句話到段落的意思不清楚，我想你想表達自己如何舒壓吧？
"When I am stressed, I take a deep breath and visit the gym. This way, once I get back to work I would feel more refreshed and enthusiastic." 之類的。
"And also" --> "Also"就好了
"And also, I enjoying working with people and have committed to devote myself to the service industry" --> "Also, I enjoy working with people and I am committed to devote myself to the service industry"
"This is the starting point of my career: I believe that I encompass the skills and abilities to work in your company, as it will not only show my potential, but widen my horizon as well."
- LouisLv 76 年前
- DaSaGwaLv 76 年前
I’m more efficient when I’m stressful. I go to gym, take a deep breath to remove stress;
==> I go to gym to manage my stress, so I can refresh and maintain my enthusiasm for my work.
2014-06-28 01:34:56 補充：
making some cookies ==> baking
2014-06-28 01:36:02 補充：
I enjoying working with …==> I enjoy working with …
2014-06-28 01:38:52 補充：
This is a starting point of my career, I believe that working in your company …
==> I believe that to work at your company is a starting point to advance my career. It not only can fulfill my potential but will expand my horizon as well.
2014-06-28 01:40:42 補充：
Basically, your writing has very few mistakes grammatically, but it is kind of lengthy in describing. I offer my suggestion for your reference.