考過全民英檢中高級的高手請幫我看看！

Question

這幾天要去面試了！可是英文自傳一直不知道對不對，麻翻高手幫我看看！感恩！

My name is XXX, I was graduated from information management department, I got recommended by all my graduation project's crew to be a team leader.
It was a extreme challenged job, but after all still live up to expectations so that we can successfully graduated.

I had a experience to go abroad to study for two years, Brisbane and Melbourne in Australia.
My parents gave me a great opportunity to learn and cultivate my second language, therefore It became my proud specialty than any comrade in the college time.

Nowadays are trying to obtain a cook license, also improving my English skills, hoping to towards the restaurant or tutoring English in the future.

BeautifulWorld · Accepted Answer

You used too many "I" in a sentence.

My name is xxxx, graduated from information management department. I was nominated as a team leader for my graudation project. My team managed very challenging tasks ( what was your project about? say something here about your project); however, we did live up to the expections of my professors so that we were all able to graduate without any problems.

After graduation, I was fortunate enough to be able to study in Brisbane and Melbourne in Australia for two years. My parents have offered me a great opportunity to study English since I was little. My ability to communicate effectively in English had made me so proud among my college peers during my college years in Taiwan.

Lately I have been trying to obtain a chef license while studying really hard to improve my English skills. My wishes are either to open a restuarant or to become an English tutor in the future

2014-09-18 16:53:46 補充：
. <-- "add a period (.) at the end of my last paragraph"

Change 參考資料： Live in USA  -->  參考資料： Live in the USA

呆子 · Answer

My name is XXX and I graduated from information management department of XXX university .I, a leader, was elected by my graduation project's team. It was extremely challengeable, but we finally graduated beyond the expectation.

I went abroad and studied for two years at Brisbane and Melbourne in Australia.
It was a great opportunity to practice my second language. 
Nowadays I am working hard to obtain a cook’s license, improving my English skills, hoping to service at the restaurant in the future.

非天使 · Answer

My name is XXX, I was graduated from information management department of a college, I got had been recommended by all my graduation project's crew to be a the team leader, it was an extremely challenging job, but after all at last, we still lived up to the expectations so that we can and successfully graduated.

I had the experience to go abroad to of studying abroad for two years, at Brisbane and Melbourne, in Australia.
Because my parents had given me a great opportunity to learn and cultivate my second language, therefore It which became my proud specialty than any comrade in the college time.

Nowadays I am are trying to obtain a cook license, also and improve my English skills, hoping to towards the run a restaurant or be an tutoring English tutor in the future.

考過全民英檢中高級的高手請幫我看看！

3 個解答